


The Bonechelor

by alicedragons



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bachelor AU, Eliminations, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Reality TV style fic, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-13 08:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 36,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16889172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alicedragons/pseuds/alicedragons
Summary: Welcome to The Bonechelor! Where eight skeletons will be competing for the affections of our attractively wealthybachelor–-Cash!A Bachelor-style AU fic posted from my tumblr. My followers voted off acharactercontestant each round, until there was only one left... only, things took a bit of an interesting turn towards the end. ^_^





	1. Introductions

Cash gazed sullenly at the long empty table before him. Tall, golden candelabras had been placed at the centre of the deep violet table cloth, their flames flickering in the breeze let in by the open windows across the room. Rich fruit and fresh bread filled the bowls beside the candles, and the finest porcelain plates and silver cutlery had been arranged at each place setting.

The marble floors of the dining hall had been polished to shining perfection, and every surface, ornament, and sculpture had been rigorously dusted. The soft scent of lavender perfumed the air—along with the citrus of the orchard of trees in the gardens outside.

Cash leaned against the arm of his chair with his chin resting on his hand, and yawned. The evening ahead was going to be tiresome—but he knew he had no way of getting out of it (as much as he’d have liked to).

A small part of him silently hoped that he might draw entertainment from watching the other skeletons fight for his affections. It could prove amusing. And there was certainly no fear of attachment—they were only here for his money, after all.

“Heya, Patches—why so broody?”

Cash jumped at the sound of a low voice and the sudden feeling of hands curling over his shoulders. He grimaced, turning to glower at the skeleton standing behind his chair. “what do you want, twisted?” he asked, irritably.

“Just makin’ sure yer ready, sweethear’,” Twist said, grinning. “The others are gonna be here soon.” He rounded the table, sitting in the seat beside Cash. Leaning in, he narrowed his sockets, examining Cash’s face with a scrutinising eye. Cash flushed slightly, looking away. “Hmm, I’m impressed—yer lookin’ very presentable.”

Twist leaned back, swinging in his chair (much to Cash’s disdain). Scowling, Cash stared at the table, fiddling with a thread of the silk cloth. “yeah, whatever. doesn’t really matter, does it? they’re here for my…”

“Fer yer _cash_?” Twist asked, snickering. Cash lowered his gaze, his frown deepening. “Ah, I think ya’d be surprised, sweethear’—yer not half bad, ya know?”

Cash regarded Twist dully. “you don’t have to humour me just because i’m letting you host this ridiculous endeavour.”

Twist only chuckled, standing and making for the door. “I’m gonna go get ready ta welcome yer guests.” He shot Cash a wink over his shoulder. “They’re gonna be droolin’ when they see ya—purple’s really yer colour.”

Cash dipped his head, flushing hotly as Twist left. Inhaling deeply, he closed his eyes, preparing himself for the agony ahead of him.

 

****

 

The buzz of excited chatter echoed through the extravagant dining hall, accompanied by the chink of and scrape of cutlery on plates.

Cash’s food sat untouched before him, the nerves in his soul too rampant to accommodate his dinner. He cast a weary glance up and down the table; to his left sat Edge, Red, Papyrus, and Sans; and to his right, Stretch, Blue, Slim, and Razz. They all seemed quite content to ignore him for the moment (a fact he was more than grateful for), occupied by their dinner and each other.

It was only when Twist re-entered the room that Cash felt his ease of mind waning—Twist wore a confident smile, and strode purposefully up to the seat at the far end of the table. Surveying the table’s other occupants keenly, he cleared his throat to gather their attention. Slowly, they broke away from their individual conversations, looking up at him. He smiled broadly. “So, yer probably all wonderin’ why Patches ‘n I invited ya here.”

“I suppose it was wishful thinking to assume it was only for the pleasantness of our company,” Papyrus said with a yielding sigh.

Razz looked at Cash, the corners of his mouth twitching into a smirk. “I wasn’t aware the stingy beanpole possessed the emotional capabilities for appreciating good company,” he said, snidely.

Cash scoffed. “awfully rich, coming from you, asshole.”

Sans perked up. “rich, huh?”

Papyrus pinched his nasal bridge. “Sans. If you’re going to pun at Wealthy Me’s expense—you could at least _attempt_ something more creative than ‘rich’.”

Cash caught Twist smirking at Papyrus, before he cleared his throat again to recapture everyone’s attention. “Well—actually. Yer company—pleasant or not,” (spoken with a deliberate glance in Razz’s direction) “is pretty essential ta what we’ve got planned.”

There was general muttering around the table, and Cash caught a few suspicious glances in his direction. Edge sniffed primly, looking at Twist dubiously. “And what exactly does this ‘plan’ of yours entail?” he asked.

Twist grinned, glancing at Cash. “Why don’t ya do the honours, Patches?”

Cash grimaced, slumping further into his chair as eight sets of eye sockets fell on him. He glowered at Twist, sighing heavily. “so, um.” He cleared his throat, heat already rising to his cheekbones. “i seem to have found myself in possession of, uh, quite a bit of c—money.”

Cash ignored the barely-stifled snorts from Stretch and Red, pressing his teeth together before continuing. “and, well… twisted wants me to. share it.”

Red’s smile slipped slightly, and he regarded Cash with raised brow-bones. “since when do ya care about sharin’, stash?” Despite the clear dubiety in his voice, Cash could tell he was intrigued.

“twisted’s idea,” he muttered, turning his gaze away from the prying stares of the other skeletons.

“Ya don’ wanna tell ‘em how we’re gonna decide who _gets_ the cash?” Twist asked.

“you tell them,” Cash said, shortly, “it was your stupid idea.”

Twist chuckled. “Alright, if y’ insist.” He turned to survey the curious gazes of the other skeletons. “Yer all familiar with the reality show called ‘the Bachelor’—right?”

For a few moments, everyone was silent, until Blue released a silent gasp, cupping a hand over his mouth. “ _No,_ ” he hissed, horrified. “Twist—no! You can’t be serious?”

Twist grinned, shrugging. “Hey—are ya tellin’ me ya’d pass up the opportunity ta woo someone as delectable as Patches?” Cash closed his eye sockets, counting backwards from ten as he bit back his stinging retorts. He could practically _feel_ Twist’s smug smile on him, and opted to keep his gaze firmly fixed on his plate.

Quietly, Slim cleared his throat, looking embarrassed. “i—i’m sorry, but i don’t think i’ve heard of it before.”

Razz scoffed loudly. “Really, mutt? Have you been living under a rock?” Everyone looked at Razz—and he suddenly flushed, realising his slip up. “Well. The ads are _always_ running. It’s hard to miss.” He fell quiet, scowling at the table.

“ _Well,_ Pup,” Twist drawled, his gaze wandering very deliberately to Razz. “Since y’asked—allow me ta elaborate.” He pushed back his chair and stood, coming to stand behind Cash, who cringed away a little as Twist rested his hands on his shoulders. “Patches here is our bachelor—rich, handsome… lonely.”

“oh—just tell them the bloody rules, asshole,” Cash snapped, yanking himself out of Twist’s grip. He caught Sans snickering, and pinned him with a cold glare to silence him.

“Aw, sweethear’—as the host, it’s my job ta sell ya ta yer suitors.” He glanced around at the other skeletons. “Would ya like a list a’ his redeemin’ qualities—we might be here fer a while, but I’m tellin’ ya, ‘s more than worth—ah, alrigh’, Patches, alrigh’,” he said hastily, as Cash caught his wrist in a vice-like grip and glared up at him.

Sans leaned back in his chair, his permanent grin tainted by his narrowed eye sockets. “dunno, twisted. i think some of us would like to hear what this guy has to offer—‘cause frankly, i’m not sure i’m convinced he’s worth all the trouble. no offence intended, moneybags.”

Cash forced a smile. “none taken,” he said, stiffly.

“Hey—give ‘im a chance, short-stuff,” Twist said. “He’s got a lot ta sell—just look at ‘im.” He leaned in to whisper against Cash’s acoustic meatus. “Smile, darlin’—makes ya look even sexier.”

Cash glanced up at Twist with a bland expression, earning him a chuckle. “Aw, tha’s not a smile, love—still sexy, though.” He turned back to the group as Cash ducked his head, blushing furiously. “Well—fer those a’ ya not convinced, there is a… monetary incentive.”

A few of the skeletons seemed to perk up at this—most notably, Stretch. Amusement sparkled in his eyes as he regarded Cash. “so, basically what you’re saying is… he provides the money, we provide the sugar? does that make him our sugar d—”

“ _no,_ ” Cash said insistently, scowling at Stretch, who beamed. Cash looked up at Twist with a weary sigh. “remind me why i have to endure this, twisted. my patience is very rapidly diminishing.”

Twist lifted a brow-bone, but Edge interrupted him before he could respond. “I’m afraid I have to second that, Twist. Money is of little interest to me, and to be candid—neither is a sexual relationship with Cash.”

Cash blushed hotly, gritting his teeth. “no one said anything about this being sexual!”

Edge blinked. “Oh. Forgive me. I merely assumed that was what was on offer—I suppose I can be convinced to muster up the zeal for a date or two, then.”

Cash wanted to melt into cracks of the marble floor. His face burned, and he could feel the amused grins of the other skeletons on him. He didn’t bother shaking off Twist’s arm when he crouched down beside him and slung it over his shoulders. “Tha’s the spirit, Edgelord—an’ the rest a’ ya, be grateful fer this opportunity. He’s more th‘n worth it.” He coughed. “An’, well—fer those a’ ya who’ve got yer heads too far up yer asses ta see it, prize money should more th’n make up fer it.”

Razz hummed, narrowing his eye sockets. “And just _how_ much are we discussing here?”

Twist winked. “Trust me, kiddo—even _you_ won’ be disappointed.”

Razz looked suspicious, but allowed the topic to drop. “So, how is the winner chosen?” he asked. Something about the way his gaze wandered Cash’s body made Cash’s bones crawl. He quickly looked away.

“Patches picks, a’ course,” Twist said. “At the end a’ each week—one a’ ya will be eliminated, based on how much ‘e likes ya. Or doesn’ like ya.” He grinned at Razz. “Hope ya got some tricks up yer sleeve, little guy.”

“Oh,” Razz said, with a sultry smile in Cash’s direction. “I can assure you, I do.”

“so… one of us is voted off each week,” Stretch said, slowly. “until…?”

“Until there’s two a’ ya left—then he’s gotta pick.” Twist glanced at Slim, who looked anxious. “Could be a tough decision, or…” His gaze travelled to Razz, “an easy one.” Razz rolled his eyes, while Slim ducked his head, his cheekbones glowing.

Excited chatter broke out among the skeletons. Some—Blue, for example—appeared a little more enthusiastic at the prospect than others—Red and Sans. Cash’s gaze landed on Slim, who wore a small smile. He quickly averted his eyes when Cash looked at him, flushing lightly. Across the table, Stretch and Edge were eyeing each other—Cash recognised the competitive flare in their eyes, but there was something playful there too.

Twist gave Cash’s shoulders a gentle squeeze, his lit eye socket sparkling with elation. “Looks like yer the most excitin’ dish on the menu, Patches.”

Cash couldn’t decide whether to be excited or terrified by the prospect.


	2. Round 1 - Group Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our esteemed bachelor is faced with the daunting task of going on multiple dates with the eight contestants. Fortunately for Cash, Twist has paired the contestants off to make things… a little less exhausting for our poor socially awkward boy.
> 
> But are some of the pairings a little too much for Cash to handle?

“So… yer schedule fer today—ah, ya got Blue an’ Red up first, then later yer havin’ dinner with Pap an’—hey, why so glum, Patches?”

Cash leaned back in his armchair, pressing his fingers against his nasal bridge and sighing deeply. “forgive me for bearing little enthusiasm for the notion of being auctioned off like this.”

Twist smiled solemnly, looking up from his clipboard and patting Cash’s shoulder affectionately. “Aw, sweethear’, no one’s forcin’ ya ta do this. Yer the boss here—ya wanna call it off, jus’ say the word.”

Cash gazed at the burning logs in the hearth before him, the flames sparking and crackling. Closing his eye, he inhaled deeply, the warm smoky scent soothing him. “no,” he said at last. “just… who’s the dinner with?”

Twist grinned, turning back to his clipboard. “Paps—an’ the Razzberry.”

Cash clenched his teeth, and nodded stiffly, taking another deep breath. “right. great. fantastic.”

“An’ tomorrow mornin’ ya have Stretch an’ Edge fer breakfast,” Twist added, meeting Cash’s eye with a smirk. “Delicious combo in my opinion.”

Cash blinked, lifting a brow-bone. “stretch and edge? is that wise?”

Twist shrugged. “Nah—but i’s entertainin’.”

“for whom?” Cash muttered beneath his breath, slumping further into his armchair and leaning his forehead against the palm of his hand.

“Slim an’ Sans fer dinner after tha’—figured I’d let ya off easy fer the last one.” Twist knuckled the crown of Cash’s skull, climbing off the chair’s arm. “Don’ worry, love—you’ll knock ‘em dead.”

Cash rolled his eye, folding his arms in contempt. “if they don’t knock me dead first.”

 

****

 

Red was the first to arrive at Cash’s bedroom door the next morning. Surprisingly, he appeared to have dressed for the occasion—well, inasmuch as one could expect from him. He’d discarded his normal shorts for a pair of smart jeans, and his jacket looked as if it might have been washed.

“heya, stash,” Red said, giving Cash a mock-salute. “lookin’ fine.”

Cash could only nod in response, swallowing down the nerves building in his chest. He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the floor while they waited for Blue. Red seemed unperturbed by Cash’s unresponsiveness, leaning against the doorframe and watching him casually. After a few minutes of silence, he reached into his pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. “smoke?” he asked, offering the box to Cash.

Cash regarded the brand with thinly veiled contempt, but accepted the offer nonetheless. He was feeling rather jittery, after all. Red grinned at him as he lit his cigarette, his gaze wandering over Cash—perhaps in a more curious than sultry manner. “not really up ta scratch fer ya, are they?” he asked, taking a long drag and breathing smoke from his nasal aperture.

“they’re fine,” Cash muttered, inhaling the smoke and allowing it to curl in his ribcage. He tipped his head back and let it flow between his teeth. Already, the unsteady hum of his magic seemed to have settled.

Both Cash and Red’s gazes were drawn by the sound of boots echoing off the marble floors. They looked up to see Blue walking towards them, his shoulders drawn up proudly, and a broad smile plastered across his face. Cash noticed the expression falter as his eyes landed on their cigarettes, but he composed himself quickly. “Cash,” he greeted, smiling brightly as he reached them. “Red,” he added, with a cursory nod in Red’s direction. “I apologise for keeping you waiting.”

“no big, kid,” Red said, his eyes not leaving Cash. “we were just chattin’.”

“Were you now?” Blue’s gaze wandered briefly to Red, before returning to settle on Cash. “Well, you’re looking lovely, Cash. Purple really is your colour!” He reached a hand up, as if to place it on Cash’s arm—before quickly letting it drop, reconsidering. Cash was more than relieved.

Red sniffed, pressing his cigarette out against the doorframe and dropping the remnants into his pocket. “ready ta head out?” he asked Cash.

“Oh, actually—I have something to give to you, Cash,” Blue said, beaming.

Cash blinked, taken aback. “oh, uh…” Reaching into his inventory, Blue produced a single violet flower, the petals long and thin. Cash felt himself flushing as Blue handed it to him. “it’s… a flower,” he remarked.

“An iris!” Blue told him, proudly. “It has a number of significant meanings—though in this case, I’m giving it to you as a gift of admiration.”

Flustered, Cash swallowed, taking the flower and staring at it as if it were a very complicated puzzle. “a-admiration for what?”

Blue faltered, and Cash caught Red scoffing out of the corner of his eye socket. “W-well,” Blue said, pausing for a moment, “I suppose I do admire your… candour.” Red appeared to be having a lot of difficulty hiding his snickers, but Blue’s smile was fierce. “And of course—your durability!”

“my… durability?” Cash asked, a smirk twitching at the corners of his mouth as Blue’s eyes widened with realisation.

“I—I mean your—emotional durability! Not… not physical…” He trailed off, his cheekbones glowing. “Shall we go, then?” he asked, a little forcefully.

“sure ya don’ have any other admirations ya’d like ta share abou’ cash’s physicality?” Red asked, his grin wide. “aren’t ya gonna ask him what his stamina’s like?”

“No! That isn’t necessary,” Blue said, smiling pleasantly, and quickly looping his arm around Cash’s. He was flushing so brightly, Cash felt a little more at ease about his own nerves—or perhaps it was the lingering effects of the cigarette smoke. Either way, his doubts about this first date had been adequately lessened.

Their brunch passed smoothly—though Red seemed intent on bringing up Blue’s accidental slip-up every ten or so minutes. Cash didn’t mind though. It took some of the attention off him, and allowed him to lie back and listen to them bickering good-naturedly while he ate.

Blue seemed fairly insistent on showering him with praise—some of which Cash wasn’t entirely inclined to believe. Especially when he started gushing about Cash’s generosity. His bright demeanour was oddly relaxing however—Cash was more than content to let him do most of the talking.

Red was a little more reserved, only chipping in to contribute the occasional pun (or to ask Blue what he thought of Cash’s sex-drive). He also seemed to be having a hard time actually looking Cash in the eye—every time their gazes met, he would quickly look away, sometimes clearing his throat or wringing his hands together.

When they departed at the end of the ‘date’, Red fist-bumped him—and Blue touched his teeth to the back of Cash’s hand in a light kiss. Cash was left so flustered, he almost forgot that he was meant to be meeting Papyrus and Razz for their dinner-date in a few hours.

Once again, a heavy pit of dread settled in his soul.

 

****

 

“Wealthy Me!”

Cash flinched as Papyrus leaned in—but instead of the expected hug, he touched his teeth to Cash’s cheekbone in a light kiss. Cash had to remind himself not to gape as Papyrus drew away. “Ah, I can always appreciate a Papyrus who dresses well,” Papyrus said, beaming as he glanced over Cash.

“As can I.” They looked up to see Razz approaching. He was smiling; Cash found the expression… a little unsettling. He hummed as he reached them, regarding Cash appreciatively. “Well, don’t you look dashing, love—that shade of plum suits you.” He considered for a moment, his eye sockets narrowed. “Though I daresay—I would far prefer to see you without all those layers on.”

“Razzberry!” Papyrus scolded. “That is no way to speak to someone before the date has even begun.” He leaned in, lowering his voice so that only Cash could hear him. “We ought to save that for dessert~”

Cash’s face burned under the combined attentions of both Razz and Papyrus, and he stammered slightly, trying to scramble for a response. Chuckling softly, Razz took his arm, smoothing his fingers over the back of Cash’s hand. “I’m not sure you’re quite equipped to take care of someone so deliciously impeccable, Papyrus,” he said coolly, smirking at Papyrus.

Papyrus sniffed primly, taking Cash’s free hand and clasping it between both of his own. “I can’t imagine someone of Cash’s taste would _lower_ his standards to your extent, Razzberry,” he quipped.

Razz’s face twitched, but he collected himself, drawing his shoulders up. “I suppose we’ll have to let him decide for himself who possesses the finesse required to satisfy him.” He turned to Cash, his face melting into a salacious smile. “I’m sure we can trust that you’ll come to the right decision, precious.”

“I’m sure we can,” Papyrus said, squeezing Cash’s arm a little tighter.

Caught between them, Cash could only nod, squeezing his eye sockets shut for a moment to regather his composure. “right, um… could we maybe just have dinner first?” He tugged his arms out of their grips, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Papyrus blinked, quickly clearing his throat and drawing away. “Of course—my apologies, Wealthy Me. It was not my intention to bring you any discomfort.”

Cash waved him off. “i’m sure.” He shot Razz a frown, his sockets narrowed. “can’t say i’ve ever trusted your intentions though, short-stack.”

Razz laughed softly, though a trace of irritation tainted the sound. “So, you’re not just a pretty face then, beanpole?” He hummed thoughtfully, leaning in. Cash’s breath caught as Razz’s fingers grazed the base of his spine. “I’m sure there are other pretty things about you too~”

“l-let’s head out,” Cash rasped, swallowing back the magic settling in his mandible. He was grateful when Papyrus smiled at him gently—the expression was a welcome balm to the feeling of Razz’s arm around his waist (though Cash couldn’t deny the small part of him that flickered with excitement when Razz’s fingers crept over his iliac crest).

Surprisingly, the evening passed smoothly. Well. As smoothly as one might expect with Razz present. Though he behaved himself for the most part, his fingers would often creep over Cash’s femur or brush across his ribs or spine. And he seemed completely aware of the effect the ministrations were having on Cash, his smile smug but enticing. For the most part however, he didn’t cross any boundaries.

Papyrus—while not quite as forward as Razz—was fairly flirtatious himself. His compliments were a lot gentler however, and his smiles were sweet enough to leave Cash with a pleasant tingle in his chest. He listened intently to Cash whenever he spoke, and when Razz’s mouth turned a little sour, he would quickly change the subject to something more agreeable.

At the end of the night, Papyrus hugged Cash tightly—and strangely, it felt nice. Razz was a little less reserved, kissing Cash’s cheek delicately, while allowing his hands to wonder over his spine and ribs. Cash shivered beneath the touch (and it wasn’t an entirely unpleasant feeling).

When he finally made it to bed, his magic was more than a little stirred. Whether it was a result of Papyrus’ open kindness, or Razz’s unadulterated flirting—Cash couldn’t be entirely certain.

 

****

 

When Cash emerged from his room the next morning, Stretch and Edge were waiting for him on the landing above the stairs. They were speaking in hushed voices, but glanced up when he appeared. Stretch’s face broke out into a smile. “morning, patches.”

Cash blinked, surprised (and a little suspicious) at Stretch’s use of Twist’s nickname for him. But he nodded in response. “stretch—edgelord.” Edge offered him a courteous tilt of his head, his features stiffly neutral.

Cash swallowed, glancing between them. In truth, this was probably the date he’d been the most doubtful of. It was common knowledge among the skeletons that Stretch and Edge shared… a special sort of bond (though neither of them would ever admit to such a thing). Amidst their banter was a hidden spark, and Cash couldn’t help but feel that he was intruding upon something very personal.

His misgivings were almost immediately dispelled however, when Stretch approached him and took his hand. His smile was unwaveringly sweet, and the glow of magic on his cheekbones revealed a trace of his own nervousness. The knowledge that he wasn’t the only one with doubts calmed Cash considerably. He allowed Stretch to link their fingers together, going so far as to return Stretch’s gentle squeeze of reassurance.

Edge… was a somewhat different matter. He hesitated before approaching them, and glanced down at Cash’s hand with uncertainty. His eyes darted to Stretch—almost as if on instinct. “don’t worry, edgelord—i’m sure he washed his hands this morning,” Stretch teased, smirking at Edge.

Edge narrowed his eye sockets at Stretch dully, before watching Cash carefully. “Do you mind if I…” He cleared his throat, looking flustered.

“go for it, edgelord,” Cash said, amused by Edge’s awkwardness. “i promise not to get too handsy with you.”

With a put-upon sigh, Edge rolled his eyes and took Cash’s hand. “I can assure you, if you do—you’ll be leaving with fewer fingers than you arrived with,” he warned, though the threat was fairly lacklustre.

Stretch glanced at Edge as the descended the stairs, lifting a brow-bone. “well, it would be a shame to waste such talented fingers…” Bringing Cash’s hand to his teeth, he kissed it lightly.

Cash regarded him evenly, then carefully pried his hand from Stretch’s grasp, cupping his jaw instead. “impress me, and i might even let you sample them,” he purred. A light dusting of gold coloured Stretch’s cheekbones. He quickly ducked his head and shoved his hands in his pockets, but Cash caught a glimpse of a small grin slowly spreading across his face.

“If you two want to fuck after the first date—by all means, be my guest. Just don’t include me,” Edge said, crisply.

Stretch tilted his head. “are you sure you don’t want us to extend the invitation?” he questioned, his smile widening as Edge flushed lightly.

“Positive,” Edge muttered, releasing Cash’s hand and turning away. Cash didn’t miss the faint glow of red on his face.

“don’t worry, edgelord—there will be no fucking after the first date,” he said, holding Stretch with a firm stare.

Stretch seemed undeterred, leaning in to whisper, “during, then?”

Cash rolled his eye, but conceded a small smile.

Twist had booked them into a quaint breakfast parlour overlooking the gardens of Cash’s estate. When they arrived, Cash was surprised by how close Edge and Stretch sat to him—he was practically wedged between them. Neither of them acknowledged the fact however, very studiously observing their menus.

Flustered, Cash tried to focus on what to order, but found himself constantly distracted by the gentle brush of Stretch’s fingers over his hand, and the way Edge would occasionally nudge against him with his shoulder. While Cash was certain Stretch was more than aware of what he was doing—he wasn’t entirely sure Edge’s movements were intentional.

It was only when Stretch leaned in close to whisper, “you look very pretty when you blush,” against Cash’s acoustic meatus, that Edge’s gaze snapped up.

“Oh stop flirting and pay attention to the date, you two,” he chided. Stretch snorted, and Cash caught sight of the corners of Edge’s mouth twitching upward, his eyes flickering to Stretch.

There was no chance they hadn’t planned this, Cash decided.

When they parted ways, Stretch hugged Cash gently. His soft scent flooded Cash’s senses, and Cash found himself involuntarily leaning into his arms. Edge held back, looking a little stiff. But his rare smile was enough to illicit a pleasant glow on Cash’s cheekbones. He returned to his quarters with a warm feeling in his chest, and a tingle of elation in his bones.

 

****

 

“hey, pal, why so tense?” Sans asked, eyeing Cash.

Cash swallowed thickly, wringing his hands together. “i’m not tense,” he said, a little sharply. Sans regarded him dubiously and he sighed in concession. “i’m just… feeling kinda worn out.”

Sans grinned, lifting a brow-bone. “yeah? so who was it? my cash is on the edgelord—” He broke off, stifling a snort in his sleeve. “heh. sorry. bad joke.”

Cash surveyed him dryly, folding his arms. “you mistake me for someone without dignity,” he said, tersely.

“ain’t nothing undignified about putting out on the first date,” Sans told him. “though tibia honest—” Cash rolled his eye-light “—you don’t really seem the type. so what’s eating you—if not edge?”

Cash was quiet for a moment, staring idly at the floor. Then, with a tired sigh, he tipped his head back, closing his eye. “dating isn’t really my forte,” he admitted. “i’d rather let you all fuck me and give the money to whoever lasts the longest.”

Sans snickered. “sure there are some us who’d find that agreeable.” He looked over Cash’s shoulder, and his smile softened. “think you might find that others are worth the trouble.”

Cash followed his gaze, and his soul fluttered as he saw Slim approaching. Slim smiled as his eyes found Cash, and he dipped his head, a pale amber flush rising to his cheekbones. “hey,” he murmured.

“sup, bud?” Sans said, grinning. “you’re looking nice.”

Slim blushed harder, stammering his thanks. His eyes wandered to Cash, but dropped quickly when he saw that Cash was watching him. Cash caught Sans eyeing him deliberately, and he quickly cleared his throat. “uh. yeah. very nice.” He hurriedly averted his gaze, burying his hands in his pockets and allowing his shoulders to slump.

“th-thank you,” Slim said, softly. Cash’s soul gave a pleasant clench, and a glimmer of a smile tugged at his mouth.

“you boneheads ready to skeledaddle?” Sans asked. Slim nodded, his eyes darting to Cash, who quickly heaved himself from the doorframe.

“yeah. let’s head out,” he said, his voice tight with nerves. He was surprised when Sans linked their arms, grinning up at him casually. Cash narrowed his eye socket suspiciously, and Sans’ gaze flickered to Slim before returning to Cash, brow-bones lifted. Cash glanced at Slim, clearing his throat. “do you, um…?” He held out his hand, fingers trembling.

Slim regarded it, blinking. “oh, i…w-what?” He looked flustered, clasping his hands in front of him and twisting them together.

“he wants to know if you wanna hold his hand,” Sans stated loudly. Cash gave him a sharp look, magic rising to his cheekbones. He quickly turned back to Slim, who was looking extremely awkward, his eye sockets squeezed shut and his cheekbones all but alight.

“you—don’t have to,” Cash said quickly.

“do you… want me to?” Slim asked carefully.

Cash gawked, his words sticking in his throat. “w-well. i—i, uh…”

Leaning across Cash to regard Slim, Sans whispered, “he does.”

Frustrated, Cash yanked his arm from Sans’ grip, earning him a broad grin. “s-sorry,” he stammered, looking at Slim. “it’s—it’s a juvenile tradition. there’s no need to—” A small noise of surprise escaped him as Slim linked their hands together.

“it’s… not so bad,” Slim whispered, something a little mischievous dancing in his eyes. Seeming to realise himself, he quickly averted his gaze.

Cash felt frozen, his soul thumping furiously in his ribcage. Seeing Sans’ thinly veiled look of amusement, he quickly composed himself, drawing his shoulders up. “right. if that’s what you want then… i won’t stop you.” Decisively, he took a hold of Sans’ hand and guided them towards the stairs. “let’s just… get this over with.”

Cash ignored the twinge of guilt he felt as Slim’s smile faded.

The date passed without hitch—and it occurred to Cash that Twist had been a lot more strategic with his pairings than Cash had originally considered. Slim wasn’t particularly talkative—and Cash could make no claim to being an expert conversationalist himself—but Sans easily filled the silence with idle banter and the odd pun.

Cash was grateful for the distraction. He seemed to be having a significant amount of difficulty looking at Slim directly—talking was virtually impossible. A few times, he caught Slim looking at him. But as soon as their gazes met, Slim would hurriedly duck his head.

When their date drew to a close, Cash couldn’t decide whether to be disappointed or relieved. While spending time with Sans and Slim was… not unpleasant—he wasn’t confident in his ability to withstand his own anxieties much longer.

Sans shot Cash a departing grin and nod outside his room, before leaving him alone with Slim. For a few seconds, silence ticked between them. Cash could feel his soul pumping erratically. He was grateful when Slim broke the silence by saying, “thanks, cash. that—it was… nice.”

Cash willed himself to suppress the blush that threatened to colour his cheekbones, offering Slim a tight nod. “yeah. it’s—it’s fine.” He sniffed, straightening his jacket. “well—goodnight,” he said hastily, hurrying into his room before Slim could respond.

Leaning against the door, he exhaled. His mind felt static with nerves and excitement. He was proud, at least, that he’d managed to get through the first week’s dates. Dropping back onto his soft mattress, he closed his eye socket, inhaling slowly.

His brief, peaceful daze was broken by the sudden, insistent buzzing of his phone. He clenched his teeth as he saw who the caller was, answering with a huff. “what is it, twisted?”

“Patches! How was th’ last date? Ya have fun with the Pup?”

Sighing, Cash sat up, propping himself up against the headboard. “sans and slim were both adequate companions,” he said monotonously. He ignored Twist’s soft snickers.

“I’m sure. So, ya ready ta make yer first decision?”

Cash stiffened. “you mean…?”

“Gotta pick someone ta eliminate,” Twist told him. “Got anyone in mind?”

“i…” Cash considered, his brow creasing.

“Sleep on it. Ceremony’s tomorrow.” Twist was silent for a moment. Then—“Any definitely stayin’?”

Cash pinched his nasal bridge, slumping against his bed’s comfy cushions. “can you let me sleep, twisted? i’m tired.”

“Aw, Patches—c’mon. Jus’ between us—who’d ya like the most? Any a’ them boyfrien’ material? Any a’ them bedr—”

Cash hung up, dropping his phone on the bed beside him and letting his eye socket drift closed. Though at first he’d assumed this would be the easy part—the prospect of eliminating someone now seemed rather daunting now. The dates had been… tolerable. Perhaps even pleasant—which was something he hadn’t been anticipating. It had been nice to feel… wanted.

He quickly reminded himself that the only reason he was wanted was because of the reward that accompanied spending time with him.

Still. It had been nice. Cash was almost reluctant to let any of them go.

Almost. He did have someone in mind…


	3. Round 1 Bone Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The votes are in, which means one of our eight contestants is about to be eliminated, in…. **The Bone Ceremony.**
> 
> Who will Cash pick? Who will not earn his favour this round? Who will not be receiving a beautifully crafted bone from our fine bachelor?

Cash examined the coin between his fingers, moving it across his knuckles and watching the way the sunlight glinted off its surface. He stared out his open bedroom window onto the gardens below; the sun was peaking over the horizon, bathing the orchards and flowerbeds in orange. The air smelled sweet and clean—like fresh rain and blossoming spring.

Cash was startled out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. He swallowed, quickly shoving his coin back in his pocket. “yeah?” he called.

The door opened, and Twist strolled in, hands in his pockets. “Mornin’, Patches. Yer up early.” Cash merely turned away, glancing back towards the open window. The futon shifted as Twist slumped down beside him, leaning back against the windowsill. “Ready fer the Ceremony?”

Cash shrugged. “nothing to be ready for—i’ve just got to pick someone i don’t like and get rid of them.”

Twist chuckled softly. “S’pose so.” He went quiet, and Cash could feel the scrutiny of his gaze. He tried to ignore it, leaning his head against the window’s frame and closing his eyes, taking a deep breath of crisp morning air.

For some time, silence reigned, but for the soft twittering of birds and the rustle of wind in the trees below. When at last Twist rose to his feet, he leaned down, giving Cash’s shoulder a gentle squeeze of reassurance. “Ceremony’s in ‘n hour—I’ll come an’ get ya when yer ready.” Cash nodded, but didn’t look at Twist, still dozing lightly against the window. “Got someone in mind?” Twist asked.

Cash considered, before nodding. “yeah. think so.”

Twist hummed thoughtfully, socket narrowing as he watched Cash. “Hope yer not gonna do somethin’ stupid, kid,” he said.

Cash turned to look at him, frowning. “i can pick whoever i want to pick, twisted.”

“’Course ya can—an’ I won’ stop ya. But I don’ wanna see ya sabotagin’ yerself.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” Cash asked, irritation slipping into his voice.

Twist watched him for moment, surveying his features in consideration. But after a pause, he chuckled. Shoving his hands back into his pockets, he turned for the door. “Nothin’, sweethear’. See you in ‘n hour—an’ ya’d better have yer bones ready,” he added with a wink.

He was gone before Cash could ask what on earth that was supposed to mean.

 

****

 

All eight contestants were waiting for Cash when Twist led him down the stairs to the main hallway. Cash rolled his eye at the way Twist had arranged them—in a neat line, awaiting his approval (or reproval). He could feel their eyes following him as he descended the stairs, and dipped his head, scowling. Twist leaned in when they reached the foot of the staircase. “Need me ta go over it again?” he whispered, a hint of amusement touching his voice.

“no,” Cash snapped. The word came out a little louder than he’d intended, and a few of the others looked up in surprise.

Twist only snickered, shrugging. “Alright, present ‘em with yer bones then.”

Cash smacked his arm before turning to face the other eight skeletons. They were all silent, watching him carefully. He swallowed and ducked his head, suddenly anxious. Thankfully, Twist seemed to sense his discomfort, and quickly cleared his throat, surveying the others. “Hey assholes—hope you all had fun with our bachelor on yer first dates. But now ‘e’s gotta pick which a’ ya he wants ta offer ‘is bone—so ta speak.” Twist nudged Cash with his elbow—but it only earned him a hard glare. Twist chuckled, giving a cursory wave of his hand. “Sorry. ‘e’s not really a mornin’ person—‘less ya catch ‘im _in the mood,_ y’know?”

Cash pinched his nasal bridge, sighing. “alright—let’s just… get on with this.” He looked up, glancing over the eight contestants. With a deep breath, he summoned a small, violet bone—about the length of his forearm. The atmosphere felt heavy with tension, and Cash shifted uncomfortably beneath the gazes of the other skeletons.

With a decisive exhale, he approached Stretch—arguably the least intimidating of the contestants. Cash forced himself to meet Stretch’s gaze as he handed him the bone, muttering, “you’re through, ashtray,” beneath his breath.

Stretch smirked, holding the bone between two fingers and lifting a brow-bone. “you’re one sweet-talker, moneybags.” Cash rolled his eye—but despite Stretch’s nonchalance, his cheekbones were tinged with a light dusting of golden magic. He passed Cash, standing beside Twist, who threw an arm over his shoulders, whispering something to him. Cash tried to ignore Stretch’s soft laughter, focusing on the task at hand.

He summoned a second bone and handed it to Edge. “guess it would be cruel of me to separate you from your boyfriend,” he mumbled, unable to meet Edge’s sharp gaze.

Edge sighed stiffly, taking the bone. “You’re amusing, pirate.” His eyes flickered quickly to Stretch, and his cheekbones glowed slightly. “Not all of us are made for comedy though,” he added tersely, before quickly making his way to Twist’s side.

Next, Cash approached Red—who seemed surprised. He took the bone slowly, blinking up at Cash. “you, uh, sure yer makin’ the right decision here, bud?” he asked, lowering his voice. “didn’ really think i was…”

Cash smirked, leaning in. “start offering me a cigarette brand of actual quality? and i might even consider passing you through the next round as well.”

Red chuckled, running a hand over the back of his skull. “jus’ might have ta then, kiddo.” He made his way to Edge’s side, and Cash caught him shooting a proud grin up at his brother.

Glancing over the five remaining skeletons, Cash summoned another purple bone. He walked up to Papyrus, who beamed as he was handed the bone. “A wise choice, Wealthy Me!” he declared, holding the bone proudly in both his hands. “I shall cherish this victory—and you, if you allow me to!”

Flustered, Cash nodded, stammering a quick thank you as Papyrus hurried to stand beside Edge and Red. Cheekbones still warm, he summoned another bone. His hands trembled as he glanced over the remaining four skeletons. He hesitated and closed his eye socket, reminding himself to breathe. When he’d gathered his resolve, he walked over to Slim. Fingers trembling, he quickly shoved the bone into Slim’s hands. “here you go,” he mumbled beneath his breath, coughing slightly when his voice emerged raspy.

Slim blinked for a moment, a tint of amber slowly rising to his cheekbones. “th-thanks,” he stuttered. For a few seconds, he remained where he was, looking awkward.

“you, um—go stand by twist,” Cash told him, his eye fixed on a section of the wall over Slim’s shoulder.

“right,” Slim whispered, quickly hurrying to Twist’s side. Cash watched him, not missing the wink Twist shot him as he knuckled the crown of Slim’s skull. Hurriedly turning away, Cash surveyed the three final options.

In truth, choosing between Sans, Blue, and Razz had been difficult. Cash had spent much of the previous night weighing up the pros and cons of eliminating each of them. Blue—while sweet and enthusiastic—was a little overwhelming. And though some of Razz’s flirting had been… a little uncalled for, Cash couldn’t deny that he appreciated having someone around to remind him that he was little more than a mere object in all of this. Spending time with someone like Slim or Stretch could be a little deluding. And while Sans was a lot easier to be around than most, Cash could tell that he didn’t really want to be here.

In the end though, Cash’s decision had been influenced by something out of the control of the three skeletons before him. With a deep breath, he summoned a bone, and handed it to Sans.

Sans lifted his brow-bones, his smile slipping slightly. “uh…”

“sorry,” Cash said, hurriedly, lifting his chin and breathing in sharply. “i—i know you’re not exactly… a fan of this. but…”

Sans’ grin returned and he shook his head. “nah, ‘s alright, pal.” He gave Cash’s shoulder a pat. “i’m happy to stick around a little longer.”

“thank you,” Cash said, quietly. Sans gave him a knowing look as he joined the others around Twist, twirling the violet bone between his fingers.

Turning to Razz and Blue, Cash inhaled—long and deep—before summoning a bone and handing it to Razz.

For a few seconds, neither of them moved. Razz held the bone as if it were about to go off, looking between it and Cash, his features slowly creasing into a frown. “Is—is this some kind of joke?” he asked, his tone clipped. “Because, truthfully, I don’t appreciate—”

“calm down, asshole, it’s not a joke,” Cash said, dryly. Razz narrowed his eye sockets, examining Cash’s features carefully. Then, slowly, his confoundment melted into smugness. He glanced at Blue, who was looking crestfallen, the permanent smile completely wiped from his expression.

“i’m sorry, blue,” Cash said softly. “it’s…”

“No,” Blue said cheerfully, though his voice broke a little on the word. “It’s—it’s completely fine. I understand.”

Cash shook his head, sighing. “it’s not… it’s not personal. you just…” He met Blue’s deep cyan eyes—their colour all too familiar for his liking. Quickly looking away, he scowled at the floor, burying his hands in his pockets. “sorry,” he mumbled.

Blue was shaking his head, his smile slowly pushing its way back onto his face. “No—don’t a-apologise. I—I don’t mind. Really.”

Cash nodded, glancing away from Blue. Behind him, the other skeletons were watching the display, their expressions a mixture of pity and confusion. Gently, Stretch extracted himself from under Twist’s arm, coming to stand before his brother. “blue…” He tilted Blue’s chin, their gazes meeting. “are you okay?”

“Of course I am!” Blue said forcefully, even as he wiped the tears from the corners of his eye sockets. “It’s—oh, I’m just being silly. I… I just get a little…”

Stretch nodded his understanding, smiling. “yeah. i know, bro.”

Guilt prickling at his soul, Cash turned away from the brothers.

 

****

 

“am i… am i an asshole?”

Twist glanced up at Cash from his spot on the carpet in front of the fire. “Yeah,” he said, shrugging. He hesitated, frowning before saying, “Oh wait—yer talkin’ about the Bone Ceremony?” Cash gave him a dull look. “Nah. Yer alright, Patches. One of ‘em had ta go.”

“i… i should have eliminated razz,” Cash muttered, scowling at the carpet. “or sans—he doesn’t even want to be here.”

Twist offered him a sympathetic smile. Climbing to his feet, he approached Cash, throwing an arm over his shoulders and leaning in. “There’s always next week, precious.”

Cash groaned at the reminder, too tired to do anything but accept Twist’s gentle pat of consolation.


	4. Round 2 - The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever-the-showman, Twist has decided to throw a party to give Cash a chance to mingle with the seven remaining contestants! Alcohol often breeds truth, after all. But the contestants won’t be the only ones drinking…
> 
> Will our bachelor completely humiliate himself? Find out below!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for heavy alcohol consumption.

Cash revelled in the few days of freedom he was granted before the next ‘event’ Twist had planned. Though the day following the first elimination ceremony had been… uncomfortable, Cash had managed to push aside his guilt and remorse in favour of treating himself to some much-needed alone time.

He spent as much time outside as he could—wandering the gardens, picking oranges from the orchard below his bedroom window, sitting in the courtyard and reading a few of his old pirate novels. The peace and quiet was welcome, but more importantly—it allowed him some time away from the other skeletons.

In addition to Twist’s non-stop date idea related drivel, he’d been incessantly pestering Cash about who his ‘favourites’ were so far. Cash had given up on trying to get him to shut up—and was now just attempting to avoid him entirely.

Today’s chosen spot was a bench beside the pond, in the shade of an old willow tree whose branches hung low over the murky blue water. Cash was dozing lightly when he heard the sound of footsteps. Warily, he cracked open an eye socket. “Heya, Patches!”

“fuck—” Cash flinched violently away from Twist, startled by his sudden proximity. “don’t— _sneak up_ on me, you asshole!”

Twist only grinned, dropping onto the bench beside him and slinging an arm over his shoulders. “Yer jus’ terrible at keepin’ yer eye out,” he said, flicking Cash on the cheekbone. Cash grumbled, trying to tug himself out of Twist’s grip, but his hold was firm.

Slumping against Twist, he gave a relinquishing sigh. “what do you want?” he asked, his voice dull and tired.

Twist hummed, gazing at the pond’s still waters. “Jus’ wanted ta spend some time with ya before tonight,” he said, sounding serene.

Cash glanced up at him, blinking. “tonight?”

Twist slowly drew his gaze away from the water, lifting his brow-bones at Cash. “Oh! Right—tonight’s the party.”

Cash gave him a blank look, dread creeping into his soul. “… party?”

Twist frowned, making a considering noise. “Uh. Did I—er, ferget ta tell ya?” Cash glowered. “Huh. Knew I’d missed someone. Well. Yeah—tonight’s the party! Chance fer ya ta mingle with the others. Get ‘em drunk an’ honest, y’know?”

Cash took a long breath of the cool morning air, closing his eye sockets and dipping his head in a sullen nod. “right. great.”

“Aww, no need ta be so glum, Patches,” Twist said, giving Cash’s shoulders a soft squeeze. “Yer allowed ta drink too.”

“believe me,” Cash mumbled, “if i wasn’t, then i wouldn’t be attending.”

 

****

 

Later that evening, when the sun’s light had faded, and the cool night air was flowing in through Cash’s bedroom window, Cash lay on his bed, dozing idly. The quiet chirping of crickets and the occasional low hoots of owls outside were almost enough to make him forget the dull thump of music downstairs.

Cash’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, breaking his brief moment of tranquillity. “come in,” he called, sleepily. The door creaked open to reveal Twist—dressed in slacks and a button up shirt with yellow polka dots on it. He was even wearing a bowtie.

“Patches! Yer awake,” he said, beaming as he hurried over.

Blearily, Cash hoisted himself off the bed, stifling a yawn. “yep—h-hey, what are you doing?”

Twist had begun to slide Cash’s jacket off his shoulders. He looked up, blinking. “Well, ya can’ go down there dressed like this—it’s a party!”

“who cares?” Cash asked, blandly.

Twist almost looked offended, his eye going wide, and a tint of magic briefly touching the cracks of left socket. “Yer the star a’ the night! Ya’ve gotta dress ta impress.”

Cash gave him a dull look. “i don’t have to—i’m impressive on my own.”

This drew a laugh from Twist, but he removed Cash’s jacket nonetheless, discarding it on the bed. “Be tha’ as it may—we’re tryna sell ya ta the rest a’ them. An’ ta do that—we’ve gotta dress ya fer the part.”

Cash gave up, resorting to sitting back as Twist picked an outfit for him. Twist rifled through his closet for a few minutes before emerging holding a smart pair of Cash’s best designer jeans and a plum coloured shirt. “Purple’s yer colour, y’know,” he told him as he tossed the garments at him.

“so i’ve been told,” Cash muttered, examining the clothes. Twist watched him in anticipation, grinning. Clearing his throat, Cash said, “aren’t you going to, um, turn away?”

For a moment, Twist looked puzzled. Then realisation seemed to dawn on him, and his eye sockets widened. “Right! ‘Course.” He gave a one-shouldered shrug, winking. “Can ya blame me fer wantin’ a peek at—?”

“fuck off,” Cash snapped, receiving only a throaty chuckle in response.

When Cash had finished changing, Twist surveyed him, humming in thought. Self-consciously, Cash tugged at the sleeves of the dress shirt. The colour felt too deep and bright—the type that attracted attention (which had likely been Twist’s intention, Cash realised). Twist approached Cash, placing his hands on his arms, and narrowing his eye sockets as he looked him up and down. “take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Cash murmured, scowling at the floor.

Twist simply grinned, before reaching for the cuffs of his sleeves. “Don’ worry, precious—I’ll be takin’ plenty a’ pictures,” he said, rolling Cash’s sleeves up past his elbows. Cash blushed, ducking his head. “There—tha’s better. Ya have pretty hands, show ‘em off.”

In that moment, Cash wished more than anything that his jeans had pockets.

He only blushed harder when Twist took his arm, looping it in his own. “I’ll be yer escort fer tonight, darlin’,” he whispered, leaning a little too close for Cash’s peace of mind.

When they reached the main hall downstairs, Cash could hear music and chatter coming from the living room. He swallowed as Twist pushed open the doors and guided him inside. A fire was crackling in the hearth, and the steady beat of music playing was coming from the speakers set up near the window. At the far end of the room, the bar was being tended by a monster Cash didn’t recognise. He lifted a brow-bone. “a bit extreme for a party of nine people, don’t you think?”

“Can’ be cuttin’ any corners when it comes ta somethin’ this important,” Twist said, grinning down at him. “Well? Aren’t ya gonna socialise with yer guests?”

Cash gave the room a sour look. On the sofas in the left corner of the room, Red was sitting with Papyrus and Slim, the three of them deep in conversation. A few seats away from them, Razz appeared to be making Stretch blush, and at the bar, Edge sat alone. Sans was nowhere in sight.

“So, who’s it gonna be?” Twist asked, cocking his head. His eyes wandered to the three skeletons sitting in the corner, but Cash had already made up his mind.

“think i’m gonna grab a drink,” he mumbled, before swiftly making his way to the bar. He caught the other skeletons looking up as he crossed the room. Stretch and Papyrus both smiled at him, but Cash kept his head ducked.

Edge glanced up as Cash slid into the seat beside him, his gaze raking the length of Cash’s body. “rum and lime,” Cash told the bartender, resting his elbows on the bar. He glanced at Edge, lifting a brow-bone. “see something you like?”

Edge cleared his throat and quickly glanced away. “You look… decent,” he said gruffly, his cheekbones heating.

Cash only shrugged indifferently. “twisted’s pick.”

“He has good taste,” Edge remarked, shooting a quick glance at Cash. He sniffed. “In clothing, I mean.”

Cash paused for a moment, frowning, but Edge made no further comment on the matter. One of the things Cash enjoyed about Edge’s company, was that he seldom pushed for conversation. They sat in silence until Cash received his drink—which he proceeded to down in one go. Edge regarded Cash dubiously, but didn’t remark when Cash ordered a second.

He held no such reservations after Cash decided to go for a third however. “If you’re anything like Stretch and Slim, I’d advise you slow down,” he told Cash, quietly.

Cash sent him a scowl, extending his middle finger. “i know my limits, asshole.”

Edge appeared concerned, swirling his own drink anxiously as he watched Cash. “You sound like Stretch,” he commented, wryly.

“you would know,” Cash replied, smirking. He silently preened when Edge blushed—noting that he quite enjoyed seeing the look on the normally stoic monster’s face. He signalled for another drink before turning in his seat so that he was facing Edge directly. “you know—you don’t look half bad yourself, edgelord.” He grinned as Edge’s blush deepened.

Edge made a valiant attempt at composure however, lifting his brow-bones in nonchalance. “Of course I don’t,” he said primly. “I have impeccable taste in style.” His eyes flickered up to Cash, dropping quickly before he said, “And I’m incredibly attractive.”

Cash smirked, sipping his… fourth? glass of rum. Concern still lined Edge’s features as he watched Cash, his eyes hesitating waveringly on his glass. “Maybe you should, um…”

“edgelord. if you tell me to slow down, it’ just gonna make me wanna defy you.”

Edge shook his head quickly. “I was going to say—maybe you should go talk to Stretch?” Cash glanced over his shoulder to find Stretch watching them from across the room. He smiled as Cash caught his gaze, and Cash felt some of the tension unravel inside him. Beside him, Razz seemed to be getting a little… friendly. “It looks like he could use your help,” Edge murmured.

Clambering off his stool, Cash straightened his shirt. “you know what? i’m going to go talk to your boyfriend,” he told Edge.

“Excellent idea,” Edge said dryly, returning his attention to his drink.

Cash placed a hand on his hip, giving Edge a questioning look. “you’re not going to join me?”

Edge shook his head. “He’s all yours.” He considered, glancing at Stretch. “And Razz’s.”

Cash scowled, noting how close Razz was sitting to Stretch. “i’ll go save him,” he said decisively, finishing the remainder of his drink (it was the fourth one, right? Or… was it the fifth?) and marching towards where Razz was leaning against Stretch. Razz looked up as he approached, and his sockets widened briefly.

“Wow.” He blinked, sitting up straight. “You’re looking…”

“he still looks like an asshole to me,” Stretch interjected, smirking. Cash rolled his eyes, dropping onto the couch beside Stretch—and effectively sandwiching him between himself and Razz. Stretch looked a little flustered, shifting in his seat.

“that’s because i still am an asshole,” Cash said, and Stretch laughed weakly. Cash glanced over Stretch’s shoulder at Razz. “though please—feel free to finish your sentence. i’m in the mood to be flattered.”

Razz simpered, taking a sip from his glass of red wine. “I’m not sure it’s the type of compliment you’d utter in polite company.”

Stretch glanced between them, before leaning closer to Cash. “i think he wants to fuck you,” he whispered—loud enough for Razz to hear.

Deep purple magic rose to Razz’s cheekbones, and he frowned, quickly turning away and finishing the remainder of his drink. “I… think I need a refill,” he muttered, standing hurriedly and making his way over to the bar.

Stretch turned to Cash and shrugged. “guess he doesn’t like being called out,” he said simply, sipping his drink.

“though i suppose you knew that.” Cash levelled Stretch with a knowing smile, and Stretch grinned.

“you’re welcome.” Stretch’s cheekbones were slightly flushed—though whether it was the alcohol, or… something else—Cash couldn’t be sure. He was smiling though, even as he looked away and dipped his head, taking another sip of his drink.

Across the room, Cash caught Twist watching them. He was grinning, and gave Cash a quick wink before turning and leaving the room. Cash’s gaze wandered over to where Papyrus, Slim, and Red were sitting. Slim glanced up, catching his eye for a moment. He offered Cash a small smile, before turning back to Papyrus and Red. Cash’s soul felt light.

“how have you been then, pirate?” Stretch asked, drawing Cash’s attention away from Slim. “i… haven’t seen much of you this past week.”

Cash nodded, feeling guilty. “i—i’m sorry,” he said, awkwardly. In truth, being around Stretch had been a little difficult after Cash had eliminated his brother. Though Stretch didn’t seem to be holding it against him, at least. Cash cleared his throat, shifting in his seat and suddenly wishing he’d been wise enough to order another drink while he’d still been at the bar.

“you know, um…” Stretch slowly shifted closer to Cash, their legs brushing against each other. “razz is kind of a dick, but—well, he wasn’t lying. you do look…” Stretch trailed off suddenly, as if his spark of confidence had dwindled.

“fuckable?” Cash suggested, smirking as Stretch blushed hotly. Stretch quickly shook his head, laughing faintly.

“sorry. that’s not what i—”

“it’s alright,” Cash murmured, leaning in. He felt Stretch twitch as he settled his hand on his femur. Cash closed his eyes, resting his head on Stretch’s shoulder as he rubbed smooth circles over his leg. “you always smell so nice,” he breathed, nuzzling against Stretch. “so sweet.” He giggled softly. “like honey.”

Stretch went still beneath him, but Cash could feel the involuntary warmth emanating from him. Then—without warning—Stretch jumped up, coughing stiffly. “i’m uh—i’m going to get another drink!” he declared loudly, his eyes darting away from Cash. “oh—look, slim’s here! have fun, you two.”

Cash blinked as Stretch hurried away, his gaze slowly travelling to Slim, who was standing a few feet away. He rocked back and forth on his feet, his head ducked. “hey… cash,” he said at length. He glanced over his shoulder at Stretch’s retreating form. “sorry—was i interrupting—?”

Cash quickly waved him off, slumping further back into the sofa’s cushions. “nah… think i scared ‘im off, actually.” He yawned, closing his eyes. “wha’s up?”

“do you… mind if i sit?”

Cash cracked open a socket to find Slim watching him awkwardly, a tint of magic colouring his cheekbones. Cash shrugged. “go for it.”

Slim sat down beside him—significantly further away than Stretch had been, Cash noted. He regarded Cash for a moment, his features slowly sinking into a frown. “are you… how many have you had?” he asked, hesitantly.

Cash levelled him with a dull look, sinking further into his seat. “don’t worry, precious—i can handle my rum. i’ve had plenty of practice.” Slim still looked unconvinced, worry lining his features. Sighing, Cash hoisted himself up, shuffling closer to Slim and holding his gaze steadily (at least, what he hoped was steadily). “want me to prove it? fine.” He stood up, lifting his brow-bones at Slim. “i’ll walk a straight line—just for you, sweetheart.”

Slim’s frown had softened into something a little more amused. He leaned back and folded his arms, giving Cash a nod. “go on, then.”

Taking a deep breath, Cash stared straight ahead, holding his arms out. The room was swaying slightly, but he ignored it, taking a tentative step forward. Immediately, his foot caught on… the carpet? He wasn’t certain. But the next moment he was falling, the floor rushing towards him at an alarming speed.

A strong pair of arms looped around his waist, holding him steady and pulling him to his feet. Cash blinked, turning around slowly. “oh. it’s you.”

Razz folded his arms, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. “You’re an amusing drunk, I’ll give you that.” Cash swayed on his feet and Razz frowned, quickly catching him with an arm around his hips. “Why don’t you sit down?” He grinned up at Cash. “It would be a waste of a pretty face if you stumbled into the fireplace or something.”

Cash looked at Razz, narrowing his eye socket. “see? you were almost a nice person for a second there.”

“I’m not a nice person,” Razz said, flatly. Cash shrugged in agreement, and allowed Razz to guide him back into his spot beside Slim—who appeared to be having trouble stifling his laughter.

“s’not funny,” Cash grumbled, resting his head in his hands. “i could’ve died.”

This only served to enhance Slim’s giggles, and he pressed his hand over his mouth while Cash glared at him. “sorry,” he mumbled. “but…” He glanced over Cash’s shoulder at his brother. “you are pretty amusing.”

Cash folded his arms and looked between the two brothers, pouting. “but—i’m still sexy, right?”

This silenced Slim immediately, but Razz laughed softly, nodding and leaning in. “Profoundly so,” he whispered—though surprisingly, his voice lacked its usual sultriness, and he appeared to be keeping his hands to himself (for a change).

Cash narrowed his sockets, unconvinced. “does that mean you want to fuck me?” he asked, an element of teasing to his tone.

Razz lifted a brow-bone, withdrawing. “I’ll wait until you’re sober,” he said, plainly, his smile fading.

“why?” Cash asked, watching him closely. He could feel Slim growing tense beside him, but his focus was on Razz, who looked bemused.

At length, Razz sighed deeply, his expression turning firm. “I may be an asshole, Cash—but I’m not that kind of asshole.” Cash was silent, unable to break eye contact with Razz.

Swallowing, he nodded, finally dropping his gaze. “right… sorry.”

Razz closed his hand around Cash’s, smirking. “Don’t worry about it, precious.” He dipped his head, kissing Cash’s knuckles lightly before standing. “I think I’m going to find myself another drink—when you’re not so inebriated, come and find me and I’ll gladly take you up on your offer.”

“maybe i will,” Cash said loudly as Razz walked away, earning him a wink over Razz’s shoulder. He slid further down on the sofa, humming sleepily. Beside him, Slim was fidgeting uncomfortably, his shoulders stiff. Cash’s eye wandered up to him, and he grinned dopily. “you know… you’re kinda sexy too.”

Slim visibly flinched, startling and turning quickly to stare at Cash. “i—what?”

“yeah…” Cash leaned in, pressing his face against Slim’s sternum to try and stop his head from spinning. “hmm, an’ you smell nice—nearly as nice as honey.”

“h-honey?”

Cash pointed in the general direction of the bar. “edgelord’s boyfriend,” he clarified, snickering against Slim’s chest. He could feel Slim’s chest rising and falling rapidly, and he could sense the pleasant heat of his magic when he was this close. “can i sleep here?” he whispered, entwining his fingers in Slim’s shirt.

Slim was speechless. Cash glanced up, grinning when Slim opened his mouth to talk—before shutting it abruptly, his cheekbones glowing brightly.

“Wealthy Me—Small Me!”

Cash drew away, looking up to see Papyrus and Red approaching. They sat on the sofa across from himself and Slim, placing three small shot glasses on the coffee table. Cash eyed them curiously.

Red was holding a clear vodka bottle. “proposition fer ya,” he said, leaning forward and placing the bottle heavily on the table. “three shots a’ vodka—or three minutes in the closet with paps.”

“Red! That was not our deal!” Papyrus levelled Red with a firm stare as he chuckled, giving a wave of his hand.

“aw, c’mon paps—look at ‘im. how could ya resist a face like that?”

Cash beamed at Papyrus—but he still appeared unconvinced. “Our _deal_ was—if Wealthy Me could finish three shots of vodka, he would—”

“but what if i _wanna_ spend three minutes in the closet with you, paps?” They all turned to Cash—Papyrus looked bewildered, while Red only seemed intrigued. To his left, Cash could feel Slim watching him suspiciously. Rising to his feet—and catching onto Slim when he wobbled a little—Cash stumbled over to Papyrus and Red, wedging himself between them on the sofa. He turned to Papyrus, leaning in and cupping his face with both his hands. “you are very, uh…” He paused, trying to conjure the right word. “pa-perfect,” he decided, pleased with himself.

Papyrus looked dubious, gently prying him off. “I am flattered, Wealthy Me, but I’m afraid those are not terms I can agree to.”

Cash slouched into the sofa’s cushions and folded his arms, pouting. “why not?”

Papyrus cleared his throat, giving Red a deliberate look. “Well—Red was part of the bargain too! Don’t you think you ought to offer him your affections as well?”

Languidly, Cash turned his head to look at Red, whose cheeks were glowing. “uh—that’s alright, pap,” Red said quickly, looking strained. “spare ‘im a little grief, why don’t ya?”

“no…” Cash hummed, shuffling across the cushions and placing a hand on Red’s arm to balance himself. He examined him from head to toe, before nodding decisively. “i want you too.” He giggled to himself as Red blushed deeper, glancing over his shoulder at Papyrus. “both of you! i want both.”

“ya need ta take the shots first,” Red reminded Cash as he slumped forward, burying his head against Red’s chest.

“can i just… have a nap first?” Cash mumbled against Red’s shirt. “just here.”

“Nope!” Papyrus said, pulling him off Red. He caught him as he slumped, holding him steady. “Shots first.”

Cash eyed the three glasses on the table, frowning. “they’re empty.” Somewhere in the background, he thought he could hear snickering.

“gimme a chance, kiddo,” Red said, clambering off the sofa. Cash watched as he filled the small glasses. On the other side of the table, Slim was observing him with a look of concern.

“why so glum, puppy?” Cash asked. “it’s a party!”

Slim’s frown deepened, and he shook his head. “don’t you think he’s had enough?” he asked quietly, glancing between Papyrus and Red

Papyrus and Red looked at each other for a few seconds, before simultaneously shaking their heads. “Nope!” Papyrus said. “Keep pouring, Red.”

“it’s fer science,” Red told Slim, winking. “we’re gonna test ta see if he can recite the alphabet from h-to-o once he’s done. go ahead, bud,” he added once he’d finished pouring, glancing at Cash.

Cash leaned forward, Papyrus holding his shoulders to keep him balanced. He lifted the first glass and tipped it back—though his magic was a little less than stable, and some of the liquid dribbled down his chin when his tongue took a few extra seconds to form. He laughed, sliding onto the floor and leaning against the table. “huh. tastes like… nothing.” He frowned, licking the remainder of the vodka off his chin. “i think there’s something wrong with me. my taste buds are gone!” He turned frantically to look at Papyrus and Red.

Red had his face buried in his elbow, harsh laughter shaking his chest. Papyrus was a little more composed, but his grin was significantly broader than usual. “Perhaps you should have another!” he said. “Just to make sure.”

Cash nodded, turning back to the remaining two glasses. His gaze fell on Slim, who had his teeth pressed together, as if trying to stifle his laughter. “why do you enjoy seeing me suffer, pup?” Cash asked sulkily.

Slim blushed slightly, shaking his head. “it’s… sweet.”

Cash couldn’t quite comprehend what Slim was trying to say, so he reached for the second glass. But he was stopped as someone’s hand closed around his wrist. “hey…” He glanced up, blinking the flashing dots from his eye to try and make out who it was.

“Alrigh’, you two, ya’ve had yer fun,” Twist said, pinning Red and Papyrus with a cold glare as he helped hoist Cash to his feet. “Dihydrogen monoxide is no laughin’ matter.” Cash stumbled, and Twist held him against his side. “C’mon, sweethear’—I think it’s time fer bed… Sans?”

Cash blinked, dazed as a second pair of arms wrapped around his torso, keeping him upright. “heya, pal,” Sans murmured. “let’s get you upstairs, yeah?”

“where have _you_ been?” Cash admonished, glaring at Sans—who was wavering slightly. In fact, the entire room seemed a little distorted.

“Sans!” Papyrus groaned. “We’re just trying to keep our friend hydrated. Why must you rain on our parade?”

Sans chuckled quietly, adjusting his hold on Cash, who was having trouble remaining on his feet. “dunno what to tell you, paps—dihydrogen monoxide is a dangerous substance.”

Still leaning against Sans, Cash stared at Papyrus, his eyes going wide. “did you poison me?” he gasped. To his confoundment, they all started snickering. “pa—papyrus? am i going to die?” he reiterated, suddenly panicking.

Quickly gathering himself, Papyrus shook his head. “I can assure you, Wealthy Me—I myself consumed dihydrogen monoxide just this morning. And look at me! I’m completely fine.”

“water you talking about, bro?” Sans asked, frowning. “you’re looking a bit pale.”

Cash looked between them suspiciously, but they only grinned at him. Tired, he leaned back into Sans’ arms, causing him to stumble slightly. “just… take me to bed, assholes.”

“If ya say so, Patches,” Twist murmured, helping Sans escort him across the room. Cash could feel the amused stares of the other skeletons on him as they walked, but he hardly had the inclination to care. He leaned into Sans, his eye sockets fluttering closed as he was half-dragged across the main hall.

“stairs,” Sans whispered to him, and Cash groaned softly, coming to a halt. He slumped against Twist, who chuckled.

“Alrigh’, Patches, here we go.” Cash gave a faint squeak of surprise as Twist lifted him into his arms, carrying him up the stairs as Sans trailed behind them. Cash clung to Twist, his head falling against his shoulder as drowsiness slowly began to take over.

“fun night?” Sans asked him. Cash hummed in response, shrugging, and Sans laughed. “seemed like you were having a good time when i arrived.”

“where were you?” Cash asked, his voice heavy and groggy. “didn’t see you.”

“eh…” Sans looked a bit awkward, scratching the back of his skull. “parties aren’t really my thing. sorry, bud.”

“s’okay,” Cash mumbled, his eyes falling closed again.

“I managed ta track ‘im down eventually,” Twist said as he pushed open Cash’s bedroom door. “He promised ta help clean up in case ya couldn’ stomach all that rum.”

“don’t remember agreeing to that,” Sans said darkly, but Twist only snickered. He lay Cash carefully on the bed, tucking a pillow beneath his head as Sans pulled his shoes off and placed a blanket over him. Cash vaguely noticed the mattress shifting as Sans sat down beside him.

“i’m, uh, really sorry i couldn’t make it,” Sans said, his voice quiet. “looks like it was a wild night.”

Cash tried to shake his head, but he wasn’t quite sure if he managed it. Everything was spinning. “thanks for… helping me. i like my bed.”

Sans chuckled, patting his shoulder. “you and me both, bud.” Surveying Cash for a few moments, he asked, “you gonna be okay?” Cash only hummed softly in response, already succumbing to sleep. He felt Sans give his arm a gentle squeeze. “take care of yourself, pal,” he murmured, before standing and heading for the door.

“We’ll see ya tomorrow, Patches,” Twist called. “Ceremony’s at noon.”

Groaning, Cash buried his face in his pillow, praying for the sweet release of sleep.


	5. Round 2 Bone Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another week gone… and another skeleton gone. It’s time for the second elimination, folks!
> 
> Groggy and hungover, Cash is faced with the task of picking a second contestant to dismiss from the competition. Who will he pick this time? And will his sluggish cognitive state alter his decision? Let’s take a look!

Cash squeezed his eye sockets closed as sunlight pierced through his half-conscious haze. Groaning, he rolled over in bed, pulling his duvet over his head and trying to cling to the last shreds of sleep. It was only when something heavy dropped onto the mattress beside him that he realised he wasn’t alone.

“Mornin’ sunshine,” Twist sang brightly, gently trying to tug the duvet away from Cash’s face. “Well—barely mornin’. Only abou’ half an hour left of it.” He chuckled as Cash resisted, holding the duvet firmly over his head. “C’mon, sweethear’—ceremony’s startin’ soon.”

“have it without me,” Cash mumbled into his pillow. Twist’s laughter seemed to press against the walls of his skull, making it throb. “and shut up while you’re at it.”

He tried to struggle as Twist wrapped his arms around his blanketed frame, squeezing him tightly. He then proceeded to half-lift, half-drag him off the bed and discard him in a heap on the floor. Cash grunted as he landed with a thump, his heavy head protesting at the unexpected jolt. “Can’ have it without ya,” Twist said, pulling the duvet away to expose Cash’s crumpled form. “Yer our guest a’ honour.”

Cash curled up on the carpet, making a disgruntled noise of disagreement. “you could honour me by letting me sleep.”

Crouching down beside him, Twist met his eye, grinning. “Now where’s th’ fun in tha’? Up ya get, Patches. Ya’ve got seven eager contestants waitin’ fer ya downstairs.”

It took a little more prodding and coaxing, but eventually, Twist managed to get Cash up and dressed and (more or less) ready for the ceremony. Cash didn’t protest when Twist offered him his arm, using him as a crutch as he allowed himself to be dragged downstairs.

His headache only amplified when he saw the seven remaining skeletons waiting for him at the foot of the stairs in the entrance hall. Just as they had been last week, they stood in a row, eagerly awaiting his decision. Cash scowled at the floor, burying his hands in his pockets and leaning against Twist. “we can’t just… delay this until tomorrow?” he murmured.

Twist almost looked affronted, holding Cash at arm’s length and giving him a serious look. “Absolutely not, Patches,” he said, firmly. “We’ve got a strict schedule ta stick ta—no time fer dilly-dallying.” He cast a glance at the other skeletons, before shooting Cash a wink. “’Least—not a’ that kind.”

“ugh.” Cash gave Twist a one-armed shove and extracted himself from his grasp, turning reluctantly to face the others. There were a couple whose gazes he couldn’t even meet—and a few others who appeared more than a little amused by his current state. Sighing, he shakily summoned his first violet bone.

It was difficult deciding who he’d least humiliated himself in front of the previous night—but eventually, Cash settled on Edge. Handing him the bone, he muttered, “next time you see me trying to drink more than i can handle—for the love of god, stop me, will you?”

Edge took the bone slowly, nodding. “I’ll take the suggestion under advisement,” he said smoothly, before joining Twist.

Scowling over his shoulder at him, Cash summoned a second bone and gave it to Razz. “thank you for saving my life,” he said, smirking as Razz lifted a brow-bone.

For a few seconds, Razz watched him closely, as if searching for a trick. But his expression quickly melted into the usual smug smile Cash was starting to grow accustomed to. He took the bone from Cash and leaned in. “Well, now that you’re sober, perhaps we could…?”

Cash scoffed and rolled his eyes. “five minutes, razz—go five minutes without being an asshole, and maybe i’ll consider it.”

Razz’s smile grew, and his fingertips graced Cash’s hip. “Be careful—one of these days, I just might.”

“think i’m safe,” Cash said, derisively.

“Hey, this is the Bone Ceremony—not the _Bonin’_ Ceremony,” Twist called from behind them. “Take yer victory an’ leave, short asshole.” Razz shot Cash a final grin before joining Edge at Twist’s side. Twist glanced at him, unimpressed.

Cash turned to Stretch next—whose cheekbones immediately lit up with magic as Cash handed him a summoned bone. “sorry for, um…” Cash trailed off, ducking his head as his own face began to glow. “well—y’know.”

Stretch smiled weakly, looking flustered. “no harm done,” he said, his tone light—if not a little forced. “i always appreciate hearing how nice i smell.”

Cash grunted, his eye fixed on the floor, and his cheekbones only growing brighter. “yeah. anytime, asshole,” he said, dryly. Stretch beamed at him, squeezing his shoulder affectionately before going to stand beside Twist.

Cash surveyed the remaining contestants. It was becoming more and more difficult to decide who he had the gall to face. Deliberating for a few seconds over whether or not Twist would be able to catch him if he teleported far enough (he decided that—yes, he most definitely would), Cash walked over to Slim. He formed a purple bone and held it out. “i suppose i owe you one too,” he sniffed, keeping his gaze lowered, “since i vaguely recall complimenting you on your scent as well.”

Slim blushed, but he was grinning, clearly having difficulty suppressing his laughter. “i believe the word ‘sexy’ may have been mentioned at some point too,” he whispered, leaning close.

Cash drew away abruptly, blinking in surprise. Slim’s blush had darkened immensely, but there was something mischievous glinting in his eyes. Clearing his throat, Cash nodded, folding his arms and ducking his head. “yes. well. i was rather intoxicated, as you may remember.”

Slim’s smile faltered ever so slightly. “right… yeah,” he said softly, giving a quick nod. He watched Cash for a few seconds, looking almost hopeful. But when Cash kept his gaze averted, he hurried to join Twist and the others.

A nervous pit churning in his chest, Cash summoned the final two bones and approached the three remaining skeletons. He turned to Red first, sighing. “you know, i should’ve known you would be a manipulative asshole…” He looked at Papyrus. “but _you_?” He shook his head. “i expected better of you.”

Papyrus looked sheepish, but there was a knowing glint in his eye. “You just never know who you can trust,” he said in mock-despair, placing his hands on his hips and shaking his head. He leaned in then, whispering, “You are aware that it was water, aren’t you, Wealthy Me? Neither Red nor I would ever knowingly poison a good friend such as yourself.”

Despite his heavy skull and pounding headache, Cash snickered, nodding. “i figured it out eventually,” he said quietly, and Papyrus’ expression relaxed with relief. “still. i don’t appreciate your trickery.”

Red chuckled throatily, offering Cash a one-shouldered shrug. “what can i say, bud? yer a pretty hilarious drunk. couldn’ resist the temptation ta rehydrate ya.” He winked, and Cash snorted, shaking his head.

“next time,” he said, handing them each a bone, “i might not be so hilarious.” He pinned them with a dark look—Red cringed slightly, while Papyrus only beamed innocently. As they made their way to Twist’s side, Cash finally turned to Sans, his smile fading. “i…” He shook his head, sighing. “i’m sorry.”

Utterly unfazed, Sans shrugged. “eh, no harm, kiddo. someone had to go.” Pressing his teeth together, Cash nodded, though his chest still twinged with guilt. Seeming to sense this, Sans leaned in. “hey—seriously, bud. i don’t mind. nothing against you, but…”

Cash glanced up, lifting a brow-bone. Sans was certainly taking the rejection a lot better than Blue had. If anything, he looked relieved. Smiling, Cash nodded. “thanks. i, uh, appreciate you putting up with…” He indicated vaguely “… all this.”

Sans chuckled. “heh. wasn’t so bad.” He glanced over Cash’s shoulder before leaning in to murmur, “just… do me a favour and pick someone who deserves you, got it?”

Cash considered for a moment, frowning as he drew away. Sans’ permanent smile wasn’t as relaxed as normal, something more serious beneath it. Swallowing, Cash nodded, and the casualness returned to Sans’ expression.

Cash turned to face the rest of the group, shoving his hands in his pockets and slumping slightly. “think i’m gonna go nap until the next ceremony,” he mumbled, heading for the stairs.

“Ya sure ya don’ wanna help me prepare fer the next event?” Twist called as Cash made for his room. “I think ya might actually wanna—”

Cash slammed his bedroom door behind him, cutting off the rest of whatever Twist had been going to say. Later, he told himself. Later he could fret over Twist’s maniacal schemes. For now—his bed beckoned.


	6. Round 3 - Truth or Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twist’s plans grow more masterful by the week. This time, he’s prepared a little game of truth or dare to spice things up! But will things get a little too hot for our bachelor to handle? Let’s see how long he lasts…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mildly NSFW

Cash pushed open the front door slowly, silently cringing as it made a loud creak. He closed it swiftly behind him, quickly glancing around before he crept across the entrance hall towards the stairs. The sound of footsteps coming from the living room startled him, and he raced up the remainder of the stairs to his room without looking back, slamming his door behind him.

He let go of the breath he’d been holding once he’d reached the safety of his bedroom. He had been avoiding Twist all week—but the asshole had been getting crafty, springing up in all sorts of places when Cash was least expecting him. His eagerness for Cash to get involved in the planning of this week’s ‘event’ was somehow greater than it had been in previous weeks.

Cash still didn’t know what Twist had planned—nor did he want to know until the last possible minute. He’d decided that he’d rather live in blissful ignorance than in dread. He glanced out his bedroom window; the sun was setting on the horizon, the foreboding night quickly creeping up on him. More than inclined to delay the evening’s events, Cash kicked off his shoes and draped his jacket over the foot of his bed before heading into the bathroom.

Once he’d stripped, he turned on the shower, turning the heat to full. Before climbing in, he removed the patch over his eye, avoiding his reflection in the mirror. He sighed as the piping hot water scorched his bones, washing away the day’s tensions. Tipping his head back, he allowed water to trickle into his eye sockets, shivering as the droplets ran over the jagged edges of his broken socket. His hand reflexively curled into a fist.

Cash tilted his head forward to drain the water from his skull. He opened his eyes again and yelped. “Heya, Patches,” Twist greeted him cheerfully.

“twisted—” Cash couldn’t even find the words to chastise Twist. He grabbed a hold of the shower curtain and wrapped it around himself, as well as pressing the palm of his hand over his cracked eye socket. “get the fuck out, you asshole!” he cried, his voice rising to an undignified pitch.

Twist, who was hovering just outside of the shower’s curtains, grinned brightly. “An hour until tonight’s event—excited?”

“ _no,_ ” Cash hissed, drawing the curtain tighter around himself. “what the fuck are you doing here?”

Twist’s smile faltered a little, and he blinked. “I… came ta discuss the truth or dare with ya,” he said, slowly, as if it were obvious.

Cash scraped his fingers over his forehead, his hand still plastered over his broken socket. “truth or—? no, i mean— _here._ in my fucking bathroom?”

Twist narrowed his eye sockets for a moment, considering hard. “Oh! Right,” he said at last, looking sheepish. “Fergot yer not really a fan a’ bein’ seen bare-boned—I’ll grab a towel fer ya.”

“twisted, no—that’s not…” Cash trailed off as Twist reached for the towel rack, turning his head away and placing his hand over his eyes as he handed Cash the towel.

“Lookin’ away. Tell me when yer decent.”

Cash regarded the towel impassively for a moment, before sighing and relinquishing. “no peeking. dick.” After clambering awkwardly from the shower, Cash quickly patted himself dry and pulled on his jeans and tank top. “decent,” he muttered, pulling the patch back over his eye socket. He turned to find Twist beaming at him, and scowled, averting his gaze. “so… truth or dare? sounds fantastic,” Cash said, sardonically.

“Isn’ it?” Twist said brightly, looping his arm around Cash’s and leading him back into the bedroom. “Wrote the questions myself too! Think you’ll enjoy ‘em.” He winked as they sat on the edge of the bed, but Cash only returned it with a dry look.

“somehow, i don’t think you and i have the same definition of ‘enjoy’.”

 

****

 

About an hour after being ambushed in the shower by Twist, Cash reluctantly trudged downstairs to the living room—as per Twist’s instructions. He found the six remaining skeletons (and Twist) waiting for him beside the fire, where three sofas had been pushed together to form a half-circle.

Twist, who was sitting on one of the sofas alone, glanced up when Cash entered, a grin immediately breaking across his features. “Patches, heya! Saved a seat fer ya.”

As Cash approached, he noticed that three bowls containing strips of paper had been placed on the table in front of the sofas. He narrowed his sockets as he sat down, regarding Twist suspiciously. “what’s all this?” he asked, indicating the bowls.

“Ah—that’d be the truths an’ dares.”

“right…” Cash said slowly, his frown deepening. “but—why are there three bowls?” Cash caught a few of the skeletons exchanging amused glances, and his frustration began to grow. “twisted… what the fuck is this?”

Twist grinned innocently, throwing an arm around Cash’s shoulders and leaning forward, as if he were about to impart some exciting news to the other skeletons. “Allow me ta explain, Patches. We’ll be playin’ truth or dare—y’know how the game works, don’t ya?”

“obviously,” Cash said dully. “we ask each other embarrassing truths or dare each other to do dumb shit.”

“Only this time,” Twist said, “there’s a twist!”

“there’s always a twist, isn’t there?” Cash said, sighing tediously.

“Hey—‘course there is. I’m the host.” Twist winked, giving Cash’s shoulders a squeeze. Cash rolled his eyes, resting his face in his hands. “It’ll be a lot like normal truth or dare,” Twist went on, “only this time—all truths an’ dares involve ya—in one way or another.”

Cash felt his spirits plummeting, his soul filling with dread. “twisted… you’re not serious, are you?”

Twist laughed quietly, patting Cash on the back. “Don’ worry, Patches—I wrote ‘em all myself.”

“you realise that’s even less comforting, don’t you?”

Red and Stretch appeared to be having a very difficult time stifling their laughter, and Cash pinned them both with a cold stare. Twist appeared unconcerned by both their amusement and Cash’s disgruntlement. “Ya’ve gotta pick a dare from the blue bowl, an’ a name from the red bowl—if necessary,” he explained. “Green bowl’s fer everyone else, since all their truths an’ dares are gonna be fer you.” He beamed, clearly proud of his system. Cash might have found it endearing were he not the victim of Twist’s antics.

“Alrigh’!” Twist said decisively, clapping his hands together and surveying the group. “Who wants ta go first?” He looked at Cash. “Care ta do the honours, Patches?”

Cash stared at him, deadpan. “i would literally rather stick my hand in the fire.”

For a split second, Cash thought his words might have actually cut a little deeper than he’d intended. But Twist only grinned, knuckling the crown of Cash’s skull. “’Course ya would. Always knew ya were a kinky bastard.” He looked back at the rest of the skeletons before Cash could scowl at him. “Anyone else?”

The group remained silent for a few seconds, a couple of them averting their gazes. Papyrus cast a quick glance at the others before speaking up. “I will!” he volunteered, his smile bright.

“There we go!” Twist said. “Tha’s the kinda enthusiasm I’m lookin’ fer. Go ahead, Pap.”

Leaning forward, Papyrus reached into the green bowl and drew out a piece of paper. His face slowly broke into a smile as he read. Cash cringed internally when Papyrus’ gaze flickered to him. “My dare is to make Wealthy Me blush,” he announced. There was something almost devious beneath his smile as he glanced at Cash.

“you wrote these?” Cash murmured to Twist, who simply offered him a shrug.

“Couldn’ resist the opportunity ta see that sweet magic a’ yers, Patches,” Twist supplied, winking. Cash was already having a hard time suppressing the heat on his cheekbones.

Papyrus rose from his seat, joining Cash on his own sofa and placing an arm around his shoulders. Cash could feel the eyes of the other skeletons on him, but Papyrus brushed a finger beneath his chin, tilting his face so that their gazes met. It occurred to Cash how close they were sitting, and for a moment, he thought Papyrus was going to kiss him.

But instead, he smiled gently, and said, “Cash. I know how this must feel for you. Being the centre of attention is not something Sans enjoys either. But I think you’re doing a great job. And though I cannot speak for my fellow competitors, I am very much enjoying your company. I can easily say that I consider you one of my greatest friends. Making you smile is quickly becoming one of my favourite hobbies—and if I get to see you laugh, my day is made! And I have yet to meet someone who looks quite as pretty as you do in the colour purple.”

Papyrus beamed, looping his arm around Cash’s waist and tugging him into an embrace. “You’re doing so well, Wealthy Me,” he whispered against Cash’s acoustic meatus. “I have the utmost faith that you will get through this.” Papyrus held him there for a few seconds. Cash was still in his arms, stunned. He knew his face must be quite the picture, but that was hardly at the forefront of his mind.

When Papyrus drew away, Cash had to stop himself from clinging onto him. He drew in on himself, slouching and folding his arms. His face burned.

“Nice goin’, Paps,” Twist said with a grin, as Papyrus took his seat. “Yer up next, Patches.”

Glumly, Cash mustered the will to reach for the two bowls. He scowled at the name on the first piece of paper. “razz…” Razz perked up, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. “and i have to…” Cash blinked at the piece of paper, frowning.

“What does it say?” Razz asked, eagerly.

“suck his—?” Cash shook his head. “twisted, i am _not_ doing this,” he hissed.

Twist glanced at the words on the paper, his eye sockets going wide. “Ah—woops.” He quickly snatched it out of Cash’s hands, scrunching it up and discarding it. “Tha’ must’ve gotten mixed in from the one’s I had ta scrap.” He grinned sheepishly, scratching the back of his skull. “Well—go on, pick another one.” Razz slumped, looking disappointed.

Cash drew another piece of paper from the bowl, his eye socket narrowing as he read it. “sit on his lap… how is this any better?”

Razz looked somewhat contended with the new dare, leaning back and stretching his legs. “Well, come on then, precious,” he said, smirking. “I’ll do my best to keep my hands to myself—promise.”

Cash looked at Twist, exasperated. “how many rounds do i have to do this for?” he asked, wearily.

“We’ll make it three,” Twist said, his eye-light flickering to Razz with thinly-veiled distaste. He leaned in as Cash reluctantly stood up. “Take it easy, Patches—it was s’posed ta be five initially.” Cash shuddered, walking over to Razz, who was sitting on the sofa with Edge and Stretch.

He smiled amicably at Cash as he lowered himself onto his lap. “Don’t let this give you any ideas,” Razz whispered, leaning in. “I intend to take you out to dinner at least before we engage in any proper intimacy.”

Cash snorted, shaking his head. “you obviously don’t know me very well then. i don’t have time for _small-_ talk when it comes to fucking.” This silenced Razz, much to Cash’s relief. And thankfully, his hands did remain off Cash—for the moment, at least.

It was Slim’s turn to pick the next truth or dare. His cheekbones slowly turned amber as he read, and he cleared his throat before speaking. “i-it’s… truth.” His eyes flickered to Cash, but he dropped his gaze almost immediately, his blush deepening. “would you still be competing for cash’s affections if there was no money involved?”

Cash went still, unable to draw his gaze away from Slim, who was looking very put on the spot. “w-well…” Slim squeezed his eye sockets shut for a few moments, avoiding Cash’s gaze when he opened them. “yes,” he murmured, his voice very small.

Silence hung heavily over the group, Slim growing more and more fidgety by the second. Cash caught Papyrus giving his hand a gentle squeeze, which seemed to relax Slim considerably. Cash quickly looked at Twist, clearing his throat. “uh, my turn again, right?”

Twist blinked, looking away from Slim and nodding. “Uh, yep!” He handed Cash the first bowl, and Cash drew out a truth.

“who do i find most attractive?” Cash surveyed the group for all of two seconds before saying, “edgelord,” and leaning back against Razz. There were general nods of agreement around the circle, while Edge sat still, blushing furiously.

Cash felt Razz’s fingers moving over his iliac crests as he leaned forward, tugging Cash a little further back in his lap. “You know…” he murmured, too quiet for anyone but Cash to hear. “I would be inclined to agree, but…” Cash’s breath hitched as Razz’s fingers caught on the vertebrae at the base of his spine. “Well. Your body speaks for itself.”

To his right, Cash caught Stretch regarding him with upraised brow-bones. He simply shook his head, sighing deeply and leaning back into Razz. He had his arms wrapped around Cash’s waist now, but his hands remained un-wandering. “flattered,” Cash whispered, “but edgelord still wins.” Beside him, Stretch gave a nod of agreement.

Red was up next. “pick a third person ta join ya in yer threesome with cash,” he read. Looking over the group, he shrugged. “aw, c’mon, that’s an easy one—twisted.” He shot Twist a wink. “crazy bastard like you’s gotta have a few tricks up ‘is sleeve… or up somethin’ at least.”

Twist snorted and grinned, folding his arms. “Aw, ‘m flattered, Cherry—but I ain’t one a’ the options.” His eye-light darted to Cash, who could feel his cheekbones heating again. “Pity.”

Red hummed, considering. “huh. disappointin’. then i guess…” He glanced between Slim and Papyrus, narrowing his eye sockets thoughtfully. “paps,” he said at last. When Papyrus preened, he supplied, “seems like he knows his way around a pair a’ bones.”

“I can assure you, Cherry—I most certainly do!” Papyrus said, proudly. Red blushed, quickly looking away.

Cash felt Razz lean in and murmur, “It seems our time together has come to an end.” He carefully shifted Cash off his lap, smiling up at him. “Do come again.”

Cash threw an unsavoury gesture in his direction as he re-joined Twist. “those pants are looking a little tight, asshole,” he retorted. Razz’s eye sockets widened, and he glanced down at his crotch. His expression turned dull as he looked back up at Cash, who pressed his teeth together to stop himself from snickering.

“Highly amusing, twat,” Razz bit out, folding his arms.

Cash merely shrugged, reaching for another piece of paper. He frowned as he read it. “are you a virgin…?” He gave Twist an apathetic look. “really, twisted?”

Twist threw his hands up. “Hey—ya never know!”

“it’s me,” Cash said dryly. “you do know.”

Realisation slowly dawned on Twist, his amusement giving way to remorse. “Ah… sorry, Patches. I wasn’ thinkin’ about—” He caught himself, shaking his head. “Well, the question’s got a second part.”

“if you were a virgin… who would you…?” He trailed off, swallowing. An uncomfortable silence fell over the group, and Cash began to fidget, scratching at his eye socket beneath his patch. At last, he relinquished a sigh, muttering, “… razz.”

He dared a glance up at the others. They were all looking bewildered—Razz more than anyone. “Are you serious?” he asked, his tone lacking any of its usual smugness.

“you heard me,” Cash replied, stiffly. Razz only stared—strangely, he seemed displeased by the revelation. “right—edgelord’s next,” Cash said, leaning back and folding his arms with a scowl.

Edge watched him for a few moments, his expression laced with concern. Retrieving a piece of paper from the green bowl, he read, “Would you prefer to dom or sub for Cash?” He remained placid, humming and clasping his hands. “Dom. Certainly.”

Beside him, Stretch snickered softly. “of course you’d prefer to dom—because you’re such a dick.”

Edge turned to give Stretch a cool look. “Who said I would be using my dick?”

Stretch’s smile faltered, and his cheekbones heated. Swallowing, he dipped his head, while a small smirk tugged at Edge’s features. Cash smiled to himself as he watched Edge. “Definitely the most attractive,” Twist whispered, leaning in.

After reading his next question, Cash gave Twist a bland look. “oral—giving or receiving?” he read. “receiving. obviously.”

Stretch hummed, watching him with a sultry expression. “you and i would make a great team,” he said, his tongue darting over his teeth.

Cash lifted a brow-bone. “well, it’s your turn now. let’s see.”

Grinning, Stretch reached for a piece of paper. As soon as he started reading it however, his smile faded, his cheekbones glowing. Sockets wide, he looked up at Twist. “this—i-is this real?”

“If it involves anythin’ below the belt—then no,” Twist said. “Otherwise…”

“What does it say?” Edge asked curiously, leaning over Stretch to try and get a look. “Ah.” He smiled, nodding. “This should be entertaining.”

Cash frowned. “what does it say?”

Stretch pressed his teeth together, looking anxious. “it—um… we have to m-make out for a minute…” His voice trailed off to a whisper on the last few words, and he blushed furiously.

“oh.” Cash blinked, surprised. “well—okay then.” He stood and approached Stretch, who gave a small squeak as Cash straddled him, placing his hands on his shoulders. “you alright with this?” he asked, lifting a brow-bone. Seeming a little lost for words, Stretch just nodded, his face still burning.

“I know I am,” Razz said from beside them, leaning back and crossing his legs.

“I’ll time,” Twist said, his voice growing sharp as he looked at Razz.

Shooting Twist a quick thumbs-up, Cash leaned in and touched his teeth against Stretch’s. At first, Stretch tensed, a small noise of surprise leaving him. But when Cash moved his hand to cup his jaw gently, he began to relax beneath him, sighing softly. Cash slipped his tongue into Stretch’s mouth, and the sweet scent of his honeyed magic immediately flooded his senses. Stretch met his tongue and their kiss deepened, Cash moaning gently against him.

On instinct, he began to grind his hips against Stretch’s, which drew a startled whine from Stretch. Somewhere behind him, Cash heard someone murmuring, “holy shit.” He presumed it was Red. The room was still with silence, but for the soft sounds of his kiss with Stretch.

Twist cleared his throat. “Time.”

Stretch was clinging to Cash tightly, which only encouraged him to press his tongue deeper. He heard Twist give another cough—which he resolutely ignored. Beneath him, Stretch’s breathing was growing heavy. He moved his hand to Stretch’s iliac crest and began stroking smooth circles over the bone, drawing a very inappropriate noise from Stretch.

“Hey—assholes, time’s up,” Twist called, firmly. “Break it up—or get a room.”

Finally, Cash pulled away, grinning down at a very flustered Stretch. “maybe we will,” he said with a wink, climbing off Stretch and returning to his seat beside Twist. Stretch lifted his knees to his chest and dipped his head, his face burning. Edge was watching him with a mixture of amusement and… something a little more reserved.

Cash reached for his next question. “which two people would you most like to watch get it on with each other?” He glanced up at Twist, lifting a brow-bone, and receiving only a shrug in return. Feeling confident after his kiss with Stretch, Cash looked to Slim. “pup,” he said decisively, “and…” His gaze wandered the group. “and pap.”

“Looks like yer the pick a’ the night fer threesomes,” Twist said to Papyrus, impressed.

“I’d expect nothing less,” Papyrus said, seeming pleased. Beside him, Slim was shrinking into his jacket, his cheekbones almost as bright as Stretch’s.

Razz picked the next dare, smirking as he read it aloud. “Remove an article of clothing—and whatever you remove, Cash has to remove too.” Meeting Cash’s eye, Razz reached for his belt and began to undo the buckle.

“Hey—nothin’ below the belt,” Twist reminded him, sharply.

Snickering, Razz refastened his pants and instead shrugged off the leather jacket he was wearing. Cash lifted a brow-bone. “why?” he asked, dubious.

Razz cocked his head. “Those long sleeves are hiding your pretty hands,” he said, flexing his own fingers for emphasis. “Can you blame me?”

Sighing, Cash removed his jacket, wrapping his arms around himself now that he had nothing but his tank top keeping his upper half covered. Razz’s eyes raked over him, but Cash refused to break eye-contact. “these pretty hands have killed monsters too, you know,” he growled.

Razz merely shrugged, leaning back. “Among other things.”

Cash retrieved his next question quickly, picking a name to go with it. “do an impression of… edge.” He regarded Edge with a tilt of his head. “well… i already made out with stretch, didn’t i?”

Red released a loud snort, which he failed to cover up with a cough. Edge and Stretch both looked indignant, spluttering their protests. “hey! if you really wanted to do an impression of the edgelord, you’d start shoving sticks up your ass,” Stretch said, earning him a smack on the arm from Edge.

“we really don’t need to know what you two get up to in the bedroom,” Cash said, earning him more outrage from the other two skeletons.

“As if I’d let someone so undignified anywhere near my ass,” Edge said pompously, shooting Stretch a glare.

“well—technically, i’m always near your ass,” Stretch said, “since you’re such an asshole.”

As they bickered, Papyrus reached for his next question. A smile crossed his face and he looked up at Cash. “It appears I am required to kiss you in a place that is not your mouth.”

Cash froze, his cheekbones growing hot. “w-what?” He swallowed as Papyrus approached him, moving to straddle him—just as he’d done with Stretch not five minutes ago.

“It’s alright, Wealthy Me,” Papyrus whispered, leaning in and pressing his teeth against Cash’s exposed collarbone. “Relax.”

Doing his best to ignore the stares of the other six skeletons, Cash took a shuddering breath, leaning back as Papyrus began to nip at his clavicle. He let out a small gasp of surprise when he felt Papyrus’ tongue trail over the bone, muttering a curse and letting his eye socket fall closed.

When Papyrus withdrew, his eyes were bright. “I hope that was satisfactory?” he questioned, as if awaiting feedback. Cash couldn’t supply anything further than a small nod, his magic churning excitedly through his bones.

His hands shook a little as he picked his next question from the bowl. “i—i have to switch clothes with someone…” He chose a name, swallowing as he read it. “s-slim.” Out of the corner of his socket, he could see Twist grinning—clearly very satisfied with the outcome of this particular dare.

“Jus’ the jackets is fine,” he said, leaning back and observing both Slim and Cash with mild delight.

Fidgeting, Slim rose to his feet and shrugged off his jacket, handing it to Cash. Cash had to suppress the urge to press his face into the ruffle and breath in the smell after putting it on. He looked up to find Slim wearing his jacket, and swallowed back the magic pooling in his mouth. Hurriedly, Slim returned to his seat, tugging the sleeves of Cash’s jacket further over his wrists as he reached for his next question.

If Slim’s cheekbones had been warm before—they were all but aflame now. He glanced at Cash, but almost immediately dropped his gaze, murmuring, “we have to… c-cuddle for three rounds.”

Cash felt his face growing hot, and he nodded stiffly, trying to salvage what little dignity he had remaining. “seems reasonable,” he said, his voice tight. He tried to ignore the looks he was receiving from the other skeletons—particularly Twist’s ecstatic grin.

Standing slowly, Slim approached Cash once again, dropping onto the sofa beside him. Twist regarded them, his eye socket narrowing. “Arms ‘round each other,” he instructed, firmly. Cash shot him a scathing glare, before awkwardly shuffling closer to Slim.

His soul began to race as he rested his arm over Slim’s shoulders, and his breath hitched when he felt Slim’s arm settling across his hips. Subconsciously, he leaned into the touch.

Twist retrieved the bowl for his next question, which Cash read with trembling fingers. “h-have you ever dreamed about anyone in the room?” He nodded, trying to regather his composure. “yeah, ‘course—edgelord. every night. sprained my wrist several times because of it.”

Edge rolled his eyes. “You’re not half as amusing as you think you are.”

Red cleared his throat loudly, leaning forward to retrieve his next question. “on that note—i get ta do somethin’ ta ya while yer blindfolded.”

Cash frowned, glancing at Twist, who was watching him closely. “You okay with this, Patches?” he asked, an unusually serious note to his voice.

Cash paused, looking at Red, who was standing patiently beside the sofa. He felt Slim shifting against him, his arm growing a little tighter around his waist. Something unknotted in his chest, and he took a deep breath before nodding. “yeah,” he said. “yeah, i’m good.”

Red nodded and came to stand before him. Twist handed Red the blindfold (Cash really hoped it wasn’t something he kept on hand on a regular basis) and he leaned forward, wrapping it over Cash’s eye. As the world went dark around him, Cash felt some of his nerves rearising. He tensed as Red knelt between his knees, his soul thumping in anticipation. Cash suddenly felt grateful for Slim’s presence. It was reassuring having someone else’s touch to keep him grounded.

Red’s hands wandered down his arms, settling over his fingers. He removed one of his hands from Cash’s, and a few seconds later, Cash felt a pair of fingers curling around his own. He frowned, but didn’t object—until Red removed the blindfold. It took him a moment to register why Slim was looking so flustered, but when he looked down, he felt his soul skip a beat. “red, you—”

Red was grinning, looking very pleased with himself. “somethin’ the matter, kiddo?”

Yanking his hand out of Slim’s, Cash reached for the blue bowl, blushing furiously. “next fucking question,” he snapped as Red dropped back into his seat, chuckling. “looks like i’m grinding against the edgelord for thirty seconds,” he huffed, standing up and marching over to Edge without reservation.

Edge looked a little taken aback, blinking up at Cash as he moved to straddle him. “And here I thought you were all talk,” he said—his tone snarky despite the light dusting of crimson on his cheekbones. He curled his hands around Cash’s hips as Cash began to rock them back and forth—perhaps with a little more vigour than was necessary.

Cash shot a snide glance over his shoulder at Red as he moved, satisfied to see that Red was no longer smiling. He pressed himself closer to Edge, leaning against his chest as he ground their hips together. Edge grunted softly, and Cash could sense the buzz of magic in the air around him.

When he withdrew, Edge was looking significantly flustered, avoiding Cash’s gaze. Cash noticed Stretch giving Edge a very deliberate look, receiving a flip of Edge’s finger in return.

Cash felt himself slump a little when he saw that Slim had returned to his seat. His eyes were lowered, and he had his knees drawn to his chest. Papyrus was squeezing one of his hands.

Guilt burning in his chest, Cash sat back down beside Twist, who glanced over him, as if trying to gauge him. “Hey, precious, ya feelin’ okay?” he asked, placing a hand on Cash’s knee.

“brilliant,” Cash muttered tersely.

Frowning, Twist gave Cash a gentle squeeze. “I think it’s time fer bed,” he said quietly, before standing up. “Well—that’s all we’ve time fer tonight, folks!” he announced. “Patches an’ I’ll see ya all tomorrow mornin’ fer the next Bone Ceremony.”

Crouching down, Twist scooped Cash into his arms—despite his yelp of protest. “twisted, what the fuck are you—”

“Gettin’ ya ta bed, Patches,” Twist said, beaming as he carried Cash from the room. Cash blushed furiously at the sound of the snickers that followed them. He slumped into Twist’s arms, conceding.

When they reached Cash’s room, Twist nudged open the door with his foot, and placed Cash carefully on the bed. He remained where he was for a moment, observing Cash with a faint smile. “what? you wanna read me a bedtime story or something?” Cash asked, scowling.

Twist grinned. “Why? You want me to?”

Cash only rolled his eyes. Chuckling, Twist leaned down and pressed his teeth to the crown of Cash’s skull. “’Night, sweethear’. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“yeah,” Cash mumbled, tugging off his shoes.

Twist paused by the door. “Got anyone in mind fer the ceremony?” he asked, quietly.

Cash shrugged, grimacing. “dunno. i’ll figure it out, i guess.”

Twist smiled, nodding. “Gets tougher as the rounds go by.” He watched Cash for a few moments before shrugging and opening the door. “Love ya, Patches.”

“hm.”

It was only when Twist had left that Cash realised he was still wearing Slim’s jacket. With no further resolve to hold himself back, he pressed his face into the ruff and breathed in. Sleep came a little more easily that night.


	7. Round 3 Bone Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six becomes five… it’s time for the round three elimination!
> 
> After a wild night of kisses, cuddles, and a few dirty jokes, Cash must now pick a third contestant to eliminate. But as the competition draws on, the task becomes more and more difficult for our poor bachelor. What will his decision be this time? Let’s find out!

The morning broke dull and gloomy, heavy grey clouds hanging in the sky over the gardens. Cash had little energy to drag himself out of bed. For once, he was thankful for Twist’s assistance. His constant supply of chatter drowned out the unpleasant reminder of the day’s upcoming ceremony that plagued Cash’s thoughts. As he pulled on his jeans, a soft rain began to patter against his bedroom window.

“Nice weather,” Twist commented, his gaze respectfully averted. Cash offered him little more than a soft grunt in response. “Ya decent?” Twist asked.

“yep.”

Twist turned, a grin unfitting of the mood plastered across his face. “Wanna grab some breakfast b’fore the ceremony?”

“nope,” Cash said, tying his shoelaces and standing, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Oh. Alrigh’.” Disappointment briefly flickered across Twist’s features, but it quickly gave way to his typical bright enthusiasm. “Well, ya’ve got some time ta kill b’fore the bonin’—” Cash rolled his eye-light, but didn’t interject “—wanna, uh, hang out maybe?”

Cash shrugged. “sure. guess so.” Delighted, Twist took his arm and led him downstairs. Cash hesitated when Twist opened the front door, casting a dubious look at the heavy rain that now fell over the gardens. “i was, uh, kinda hoping we’d be able to stay dry,” he remarked.

Twist slowly lifted a brow-bone, the corner of his mouth twitching upward. “Since when’ve ya cared abou’ stayin’ dry?” He chuckled as Cash elbowed him roughly. “Alrigh’, alrigh’,” he conceded. “We’ll take an umbrella.”

“that’s… not quite what i…”

Twist ignored Cash as they walked onto the front porch, grabbing an umbrella from the stand. Cash sighed, shaking his head with a roll of his eye. Twist only beamed, putting the umbrella up before guiding him onto the soaked lawns.

They didn’t speak, only the pattering of raindrops above them filling the silence. The air smelled fresh and clean, a tint of citrus touching it when they reached the orchard. “Hold this,” Twist said, handing Cash the umbrella before he crouched, picking a fallen orange off the dirt. He peeled it as they walked, the juices flowing down his fingers.

“So,” he said, taking a bite of the entire orange after giving up on trying to peel it properly, “who’ve ya got yer mind on?” Cash lifted a brow-bone. “Fer the ceremony,” Twist clarified. “Not jus’… in general.” He shot Cash a wink.

“why do you care?” Cash asked, nudging a stray orange off the path with the toe of his shoe.

Twist shrugged, wiping some of the spilt juice off his chin. “Jus’ lookin’ out fer ya.” Cash regarded him dubiously. “An’… wanna know what ya thought a’ last night? Ya had some… interestin’ experiences.”

Cash blushed at the memory of how Stretch had tasted beneath his tongue, and Slim’s fingers intertwined with his own. He didn’t offer Twist more than a stiff grumble, keeping his eye downcast. Discarding what remained of his orange, Twist wrapped an arm loosely around Cash’s shoulders, pressing a gentle kiss to the crown of his skull. “Ya know, some of ‘em ‘re more worthy of ya th’n others,” he murmured. “I jus’ wanna make sure yer… gettin’ what ya deserve.”

Cash nodded, accepting the gentle embrace. “don’t worry. i am.”

 

An hour later, Cash found himself faced—once again—by a row of the remaining contestants. The absence of Slim’s usual ruffled jacket was noticeable, and Cash had to suppress the magic that threatened to colour his cheekbones as he recalled last night’s events.

He glanced over his shoulder at Twist, who winked. Inhaling heavily, Cash summoned the first bone, scanning the group. He took the plunge and approached Slim first, his eyes downcast as he muttered, “i, um, owe you a hoodie too, i believe.”

Slim blinked as he took the bone, his cheekbones turning a pale shade of amber. “r-right,” he stammered, before hurrying to Twist’s side.

Though Cash was relieved that was out of the way, the next part was no less flustering. Swallowing down the burn of magic in his throat, he handed the next violet bone to Stretch. For a few seconds, Stretch didn’t move, his eyes nervous but fixed on Cash. At last, Cash cleared his throat. “well? what do you want me to do? kiss you again?”

Blushing brightly, Stretch scurried to stand beside Twist, who tugged him against his side, leaning in to whisper, “Shoulda’ said yes,”—loud enough for Cash to hear. Over his shoulder, Cash threw Twist an unsavoury salute, which was only met with quiet laughter.

He gave the next bone to Edge, who looked surprisingly embarrassed. Cash smirked, tilting his head. “thinking about how good it felt to have my hips—”

“Shut up,” Edge said sharply, marching past him to stand beside Stretch. He received a deliberate look from Twist, which he firmly ignored, despite the red glow on his cheekbones.

Looking over the three remaining contestants, Cash formed another purple bone. His grip was tight around it, and he was perhaps a little too forceful when he handed it to Razz, scowling. Razz took it slowly, holding it delicately between two fingers. The corner of his mouth turned up as he watched Cash, and he cocked his head. “Why so glum, precious? You’ve made a wise decision.”

Behind him, Cash could practically _feel_ the tension coming off Twist—or perhaps it was the low growl he emitted. Regardless, Razz fell silent, striding confidently to stand beside his brother. Cash flexed his fingers until his knuckles cracked, tipping his head back and breathing in to compose himself.

He summoned the final bone and turned to Red and Papyrus. The look on Red’s face told Cash that he already knew what was coming—which didn’t help quash the guilt he felt at giving the bone to Papyrus. Red’s smile remained lax, but Cash could see the disappointed slump in his shoulders. Something shrivelled inside him, and he closed his eyes. “red…”

“hey, relax, pal. flattered i even made it this far.” He reached up, squeezing Cash’s arm lightly. “it was good a’ ya ta humour me, y’know.”

Cash’s soul plummeted, and he shook his head profusely. “n-no. i wasn’t…”

“besides…” Red glanced up at Papyrus, who was looking at him sympathetically. “yer not really my type,” he said, turning back to Cash. He considered for a moment, his gaze wandering over Cash before he shrugged. “eh, well. not _completely_.”

“thanks for, um…” Cash frowned, staring at the marble floor. “tolerating me.”

“ya sell yerself short, pal,” Red said. “it was fun.” His eye flickered over Cash’s shoulder to Razz, sockets narrowing briefly before his casual smile returned. “pick a good one, bud.”

Cash was silent, simply nodding. He turned when he felt Twist’s hand on his shoulder. Offering him a small smile, Twist nodded in the direction of the stairs. Sighing, Cash followed him without a word, trying not to listen to the words of consolation Papyrus and Edge were whispering to Red.

When they reached Cash’s room, Twist sat them down on the bed, watching Cash as his shoulders sank. He pulled him into a one-armed embrace, holding him steady. “’S alright, Patches,” he murmured. “I know this is hard.”

“red was…” Cash sighed, tired, despite the hour. “he didn’t deserve that.”

“He’s fine,” Twist said, unconcerned. “What I wanna know is—why didn’ ya eliminate Razz? He ain’t exactly… well, he’s a piece a’ shit.”

Cash shook his head, wearily resting his head on Twist’s shoulder. “he’s the only one who doesn’t…”

“Treat ya like an actual person?” Twist suggested, dryly.

“he’s honest with me,” Cash said. “the others… they’re all…”

“Nice?” Twist sighed, drawing away for a moment so he could look Cash in the eye. “Patches, have ya considered tha’ maybe they actually like ya?”

Cash stared at him, deadpan, before rolling his eye-light. “hilarious, twisted.” Twist frowned, but drew him back into his arms, patting his back soothingly.

“Yer worth more than ya realise,” he said, quietly. “Do me a favour, Patches, an’ remember that.”


	8. Round 4 - The Cruise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twist has really gone all-out this week–-with the generous spending of Cash’s money, of course. The skeletons have set sail and are enjoying the lap of luxury on their very own private cruise! But–oh no. Is that a storm brewing on the horizon? Or could it just be a group of emotionally (and physically) pent up skeletons who are tired of all the foreplay? Let’s find out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mildly NSFW. Very mildly.

Cash gazed out at the choppy waves of the open sea, white and foamy in the boat’s wake. The sun was bright and warm in the clear sky, sparkling off the waves. Resting his elbows against the boat’s railing, Cash closed his eyes, the wind ruffling his jacket.

 

_“a… cruise?”_

_“A cruise!” Twist declared, excitement gleaming in his lit eye socket. “Great, right?”_

_Cash stared at him dully, before conceding with a shrug. “guess it’s not so bad.”_

_“An’ since it’ll be goin’ fer the whole week, we’re gonna be havin’ the elimination on board as well.”_

_“… never mind.”_

Cash had pushed all reminders of the impending elimination from his mind, and had taken to indulging in every luxury the boat had to offer instead. The greatest of those luxuries, as it happened, was right here, on the edge of the deck. He could stand here for hours (and had), looking out over the vast ocean. The fresh scent of salt and the soothing crash of waves against the boat’s sides was welcome—but more important, was the solitude.

Short-lived solitude, as it turned out. Cash’s brief moment of peace was interrupted by a pair of arms wrapping around his waist. “hey, loner,” a soft voice murmured. Cash recognised Stretch’s smooth drawl, and turned his head as Stretch pressed his chin against his shoulder. Surprised, Cash regarded him with confusion.

“bit early for hugging, isn’t it?”

Flushing, Stretch quickly pulled away. “sorry, they uh… just sent me to ask if you wanted to join us. we’re swimming.” He offered Cash a small smile, but his eyes were averted, his cheekbones still glowing.

“right, um…” Cash shrugged, clearing his throat. “sure.”

Stretch’s smile grew, and he looped his arm around Cash’s, leading him to the upper deck. Upon meeting the Tale-verse monsters, Cash had quickly come to realise that they weren’t very good at keeping their… magic to themselves. And Stretch was no exception. He was practically glowing with affection. He felt warm, even with just his arm against Cash. Pleasant, though it was, Cash couldn’t quite understand it.

When they reached the upper deck, Cash was greeted by the smell of fruit… and alcohol. “Patches!” Twist called from the bar, waving excitedly. Cash grimaced, eyeing the empty margarita glasses beside him.

Edge and Razz were at the bar with Twist, while Slim and Papyrus were sitting beside each other on the edge of the pool, their feet dangling in the water. Edge was frowning, his gaze on Twist, while Razz appeared amused by the bastard’s inebriated state. Sliding off his stool, Twist jogged over to Cash, grinning broadly. “Ya gonna join me in the pool?” he asked, his eye-light sparkling.

Cash scowled, drawing away from Twist’s attempted embrace. “no.”

“you sure about that?” Stretch whispered, leaning in. “he might find other ways to get you wet if you don’t.”

Cash stared at Stretch, trying to discern whether or not the comment had been serious. Stretch only beamed at him before walking across the deck to stand beside Edge, who threw an arm over his shoulders. Cash blinked. _Stars, they weren’t even being subtle anymore._

Twist enveloped Cash in his arms, crushing him against his chest. “Please?” he whispered as Cash grumbled, struggling to pry himself away.

“fuck off, twisted,” he growled, pointedly ignoring the snickers coming from beside the pool.

Sullenly, Twist withdrew, crossing his arms. “Fine,” he mumbled, looking disappointed.

Guilt prickled at Cash, but he stubbornly ignored it. Sighing, he said, “get me a margarita instead. i can’t let you have all the fun.”

Twist’s features immediately brightened, and he took Cash’s arm and hurried him towards the bar. “So, ya havin’ a good time, then?” he asked. “Cruise treatin’ ya well?”

“i certainly hope so, since it’s _my_ money being thrown into all of this,” Cash said, sourly.

Twist grinned, giving his arm a squeeze. “Yer so generous. Givin’ somethin’ back ta the rest a’ us.” Cash threw him a deadpan look.

They passed the edge of the pool, and Cash caught Slim’s gaze. He tried to force a smile, but his chest felt tight, and eye contact felt a little beyond him. He looked back at Twist just in time to see the mischievous glint in his eye-light. He was given no time to react before Twist pulled away from him and jumped straight into the pool—clothes and all. Water splashed across the deck. And across Cash.

“twisted—what the _fuck_?” he yelped, recoiling in disgust as the chilly water soaked through his shirt.

Twist glanced at him over his shoulder, grinning sheepishly. “Ah… sorry ‘bout that. But—th’ water’s nice! Ya should join me.”

“i’ll join you in _hell,_ you fucking dick!” Cash snapped, trying, unsuccessfully, to squeeze the water from his wet shirt. Twist offered him little more than an unrepentant shrug in return before leaning back and closing his eyes, his jacket splayed out in the water around him as he floated.

Cash was almost tempted to jump in after him just to slap the stupid bastard.

“Twisted Me,” Papyrus said from across the pool, giving Twist a look of concern, “I may not be versed in the conventions of swimming, but I believe you are required to take your clothes off _before_ you get in the water.”

At the bar, Stretch perked up. “we’re taking off our clothes?”

“You’re more than welcome to,” Edge said, a smile flashing across his face.

“Yes,” Razz said, casting a smug grin at Stretch from the opposite end of the bar. “Please, be my guest.” He received a warning look from Edge, which he promptly ignored, his gaze wandering to Cash. “I’m more than happy to help you get out of that wet shirt if you like, rich boy.”

“i’m quite capable of—”

“you could—b-borrow something of mine.” Everyone looked up as Slim cut in. He was watching Cash from where he sat beside Papyrus, his cheekbones glowing. “i-i mean… if you want.” His eyes lingered on Cash for a few seconds before dropping to the water again. Cash noticed Papyrus giving his fingers a soft squeeze—and he didn’t miss the faint smile on Slim’s face.

All eyes were on Cash. Despite the icy breeze through his wet shirt, he suddenly felt very hot. “i…”

“I’d be more than happy to chaperone,” Razz said smoothly, sliding off his stool. He cast his brother a deliberate look, successfully flustering Slim further. Briefly, his gaze flickered to Twist, who was watching him mistrustfully from the pool. His features eased into a smile when he looked at Cash, eyes wandering over the length of his body. “What say we get you out of those clothes, sweetheart?” he murmured, linking arms with Cash, who immediately pulled away.

Tutting, Razz rolled his eye-lights. “Oh alright, the mutt can hold your hand if that’s what you really want. You could at least be subtle about it.”

As his cheekbones heated, Cash heard Slim stifling a cough. He caught him shooting Razz a sharp look before he lifted his bare feet out of the water and stood, smiling as he approached Cash. Looking away, Cash mumbled, “we… don’t actually have to—” He almost yelped when Slim grasped his hand, beaming. “o-okay…”

“come, you must be getting cold,” Slim said, leading Cash across the deck. Razz followed, and Cash could just _feel_ his smirk on them.

Casting an irritated glance at Twist over his shoulder—and earning himself nothing but a grin and a thumbs-up in response—Cash conceded to allow the two brothers to guide him below decks.

 

The walk to Slim’s room was uncomfortably silent, and all the while, Slim didn’t release Cash’s hand. Occasionally, Razz would make a noise that implied he was somehow deriving amusement from Cash’s predicament. Cash threw him a few dark glares, but was unsuccessful in wiping the smug look off Razz’s face.

When they reached Slim’s cabin, Slim quickly removed Cash’s jacket and hung it over the back of his desk chair. “i’ll get you a towel—and some dry clothes!” he said hurriedly, his eyes darting over Cash’s exposed collarbone and shoulders. Amber touched his cheekbones and he glanced away.

Razz scoffed, sitting on the bed and crossing his legs as he surveyed his flustered brother. “Wipe that drool off your chin, mutt. We have company.”

“sh-shut up,” Slim mumbled, before hastening from the room. Razz watched him go, a contemptuous sneer broadening his features.

Cash eyed him irritably. “you know, you could stand to be nicer to your brother from time to time.”

“Could I?” Razz asked, scanning his gloved fingers disinterestedly. He looked up at Cash, a smirk flickering across his face. “You’re shivering. Why don’t you come sit down? I’ve heard shared body heat does wonders for—”

“i’m good,” Cash said, flatly. He wandered to the porthole looking out onto the sea. Gentle waves slapped against the boat’s side, the sway somewhat comforting. Cash sat on the couch against the wall, drawing his legs up and hugging them to his chest.

“A fan of the sea, I take it?” Razz observed.

“it’s nice,” Cash replied, otherwise ignoring the miniscule asshole. He released a dissatisfied sigh as the sofa shifted beside him. Cash could feel the weight of Razz’s deep purple eye-lights without looking at him, and angled his body deliberately away.

“You’re quite enamoured with my brother, aren’t you?” It was more a comment than a question, which only annoyed Cash further.

“what’s it to you?” he asked, blandly.

“I am also a competitor for your affections, am I not?”

This wrung a genuine laugh out of Cash. He looked at Razz with furrowed brow-bones. “come on. you and i both know you’ve never been a serious participant in this.”

“No?” Razz seemed unfazed by the revelation. “Then why am I still here? Though I suppose I must concede the point—I’m far above your standards.” He considered briefly. “Unless…”

“ _no_ ,” Cash said firmly, pushing away Razz’s wandering hand.

Razz smirked. “I didn’t think so.”

Cash shook his head and looked away, his eye wandering back to the sea. After a period of silence, he inhaled wearily. “you’re not lying to me, which is something, i suppose.”

“And what makes you think anyone else is?” Razz asked.

“have you met me?” Cash gave him a quizzical look. “not exactly the easiest person to like.”

“You’re preaching to the choir, darling.”

Cash glanced at Razz, stunned. His expression bore its typical level of complacency, but there was an element of understanding beneath it. Somehow, it hadn’t crossed Cash’s mind that Razz might actually be _aware_ of how little people liked him. Thus far, he’d simply assumed he didn’t care for the opinions of others.

“Don’t look at me like that, rich boy,” Razz said, a hint of irritation to his tone. “I don’t want or need your sympathy.” Cash raised a brow-bone, taken aback. “My brother likes you,” Razz stated. “That much is glaringly apparent. But… he likes Papyrus too.” At this, the corner of Razz’s mouth turned up. “I wonder which of you he prefers.”

The news—though unsurprising—stirred Cash into discomfort. He had noticed the small gestures between Slim and Papyrus, they had been difficult to miss. And while he took no issue with any sort of relationship they might have—well… it stung.

_~~Stars. He didn’t even deserve Slim. What did it matter if Papyrus liked him? What did it matter if Slim preferred Papyrus? There was no competition. Cash wasn’t even a player. He wasn’t worth Slim’s affections. He was nothing. He was—~~ _

“hey, sorry, couldn’t find the towels.”

Cash’s eye flickered up as Slim re-entered the room, carrying a plush towel and… a small bundle of his own clothing. “why don’t you take your shirt off?” he said, placing the clothes on the sofa’s arm. Immediately realising his words, Slim shook his head. “i—i only meant—”

“He knows perfectly well what you mean, mutt, goodness.” Rolling his eyes, Razz stood and crossed the room. “I’ll leave the two of you to your devices… whatever they may be.” He winked at Cash before leaving, though Cash was certain the gesture had been meant to unsettle, not reassure.

Cash curled his arms around himself after removing his shirt, embarrassed by his partial nudity. Slim respectfully averted his eyes until Cash had pulled on his shirt. The fabric almost tingled against Cash’s bones. Draping the towel around Cash’s shoulders, Slim withdrew. He wrung his hands together in front of him, giving a small cough before speaking. “so, um, papyrus and i were thinking of… meeting up later tonight.”

Cash’s soul squeezed unpleasantly. “oh.”

“would you… like to join?” Slim looked hopeful, smiling anxiously.

Cash frowned, not quite understanding. “uh… sure?”

“sweet!” Slim’s smile brightened. “we’ll, uh—be on the lower deck at around eight. so, uh—yeah! see you then.”

Without another word, Slim scurried from the room, leaving Cash bewildered.

 

****

 

Cash shivered and tugged his jacket tighter around his shoulders as he stepped out onto the deck later that evening. The breeze blowing off the sea was like ice through his bones. Chill aside though, the night was clear and the moon was bright, its silver light reflecting off the polished deck. A tranquil picture, even amidst the nervous rattling of Cash’s bones.

It didn’t take long for him to find Slim and Papyrus. Side-by-side, they were leaning against the deck’s railing, speaking in lowered voices. Swallowing thickly, Cash noted how close they were standing. He remained unmoving in the doorway, a sudden sense of insecurity creeping up on him. His soul plummeted when he noticed Slim and Papyrus’ fingers intertwining.

Resolved, her turned to head back inside.

“Wealthy Me, you’re here!”

Cash jumped, turning quickly. “nope. just… off to bed.” He scowled as he accidentally made eye contact with Slim. “sorry, didn’t mean to intrude…”

“Oh, nonsense!” Papyrus said, hurrying forward and taking Cash by the elbow. “Why don’t you join us? We were just naming the stars.”

Slowly, Cash raised a brow-bone, dubious. “naming… the stars?”

“yeah,” Slim said. He pointed to the sky when Papyrus guided Cash to his side. “that little gold one there is honey, and…” He moved his finger a few centimetres across, “that red one is leather boots.”

Cash relinquished a snort, shaking his head. “yeah? they fucking too?”

“Don’t be silly, Wealthy Me,” Papyrus tutted. “Those stars are thousands of lightyears away from each other.” His expression turned sly. “Lazy Me and Edgy Me, however…”

The three of them joined each other in laughter, and warmth blossomed in Cash’s chest. Inadvertently, he shifted closer to the others, his soul flipping when he felt Slim leaning in. Papyrus smiled at him, glancing back up at the sky. “We haven’t found one for you, yet…”

“i thought we’d already named the star of erotic desire?” Slim said.

Cash stared at him, stunned. There was something endearing about the sheepish grin on Slim’s face—almost as if he were surprised by his own boldness. Papyrus, on the other hand, merely scoffed. “Don’t be crass, Small Me!” he scolded. “Wealthy Me possesses far more worth than simple eroticism.” He scanned the sky briefly, thinking. “I believe we ought to name the star that represents deep, carnal passion after him, instead.”

Cash was having difficulty processing the words being spoken to him—or of him, rather. He remained rooted to the spot, even as he felt Papyrus’ fingers creeping over his iliac crest. It suddenly occurred to him that both Slim and Papyrus were standing incredibly close; Cash was virtually wedged between them, his back to Papyrus. Slim took a tentative step closer, pressing their chests together. Cash’s spine prickled with nervous excitement as he laced their fingers together, lifting Cash’s hand to his teeth and pressing a kiss against his knuckles. All the while, Papyrus’ fingers crept over Cash’s hips and lower spine.

“is this what you want?” Slim whispered, his breath ghosting over Cash’s teeth.

Cash shuddered and closed his eyes. The night air brushed over his spine as Papyrus lifted ~~his~~ _Slim’s_ shirt further up his spine. A faint whine escaped between his teeth when he felt Papyrus’ mouth brush his jaw, and he flinched, embarrassed. “i’m s-sorry,” he stammered, breathless. “i’m…”

“We’ll stop if you want us to,” Papyrus murmured, his hands stilling where they rested on Cash’s hips. Slim held his eye, patiently. Unlike Papyrus, his hands were idle. There was no shortage of intensity in his expression however, and Cash’s magic had already taken form in his mouth.

“i—”

Cash was cut off by the sound of the lower deck’s door slamming open, followed by hushed giggling and whispers. The three of them turned in time to see Stretch and Edge stumbling up the steps, Edge half-supporting Stretch. Clearly not noticing that they were not alone, Edge heaved Stretch towards the edge of the deck, pressing him against the railing—and kissing him hard.

Cash gaped.

A glance at Slim and Papyrus revealed similar expressions on their faces. The scene unfurling before them only grew more heated the longer they stood there, Stretch wrapping his legs around Edge’s waist as Edge lifted him. Undoubtedly, they were fairly intoxicated. Cash wondered if they had been drinking since earlier that afternoon. He cast a weary glance at the dark waters below.

Seeming to have similar thoughts, Papyrus cleared his throat, immediately drawing the attention of the two preoccupied skeletons. Edge pulled away from Stretch abruptly, coughing, and Stretch actually squealed, pressing two hands over his mouth. His cheekbones were bright and flushed—a mixture of alcohol, embarrassment, and arousal. “uh.. we weren’t!”

“No, no, nothing at all,” Edge added, shaking his head hastily. “Nothing happened.”

“nothing!” Stretch reaffirmed. His eyes flickered to Cash and his expression sunk. “c-cash, ‘m… sorry.”

Cash waved him off, far from affronted by Edge and Stretch’s undignified moment. “no apologies necessary. and hey, by all means—keep going. you were doing pretty well from where i was standing.”

“I think they’ve had quite enough fun!” Papyrus interjected quickly, eyeing the edge of the deck, as if it might tip Edge and Stretch overboard at any second. “Small Me, why don’t you help me get Lazy Me to bed. Wealthy Me… I’ll leave Edgy Me to you.”

“aww, why do i get two chaperones?” Stretch whined. He narrowed his eye sockets, clinging to Edge as the boat swayed slightly. “is this a… propositioning?”

“No one is propositioning you tonight, I’m afraid,” Papyrus said cheerily, taking Stretch by the arm. “Well—no one else.” He shot Edge an accusatory glance, to which Edge responded with an abashed hum of laughter.

“not to mention… you’re not quite as good at handling your liquor as your boyfriend is,” Slim added, taking a hold of Stretch’s other arm.

“boyfriend?” Stretch looked scandalised, gasping. “they’re lying, edge, i swear! i’m single!” he called over his shoulder as Papyrus and Slim guided him downstairs.

“Not for long!” Edge shouted back as Stretch disappeared below decks, still giggling to himself. Edge watched him go, a deep, fond smile on his face.

“alright…” Cash said slowly, carefully placing an arm around Edge’s shoulders to hold him steady. Edge wobbled slightly, and Cash gripped onto him with his other arm, manhandling him down the steps. “fuck, edgelord, how much did you have to drink?”

Edge stared at him for a decent ten seconds before replying. “I’m not drunk.”

Cash rolled his eye and pushed the door open, warmth greeting them as they entered the lower corridor. “alright… which room’s yours?”

Edge sniffed haughtily. “Maybe you’d know if you visited me more often. Prick.”

Cash sighed, stumbling as Edge pressed his full weight against him. “edge…”

Sighing, as if supplying an answer was a great burden to his well-being, Edge said, “Number seventeen!” He grumbled something inaudible—which Cash deliberately ignored.

The journey to Edge’s room was a difficult one. Cash didn’t quite possess the physical strength required to drag an intoxicated skeleton halfway across a reasonably sized boat. When at last they reached Edge’s door, Cash fumbled to get Edge’s key-card from his pocket. “Hey! No groping… dick.” Edge gazed up at Cash, humming thoughtfully as he studied him. “Stretch—likes you, y’know,” he hiccoughed, leaning bodily into Cash for support. “He told me.”

Cash wasn’t quite sure how to respond. “… oh.”

“Oh no—it’s fine,” Edge quickly reassured him. “I don’t mind. You know… he mentioned doing something…” Edge chuckled, pressing the back of his hand over his mouth. “I shouldn’t gossip.”

“… right.” Cash frowned, sliding Edge’s key-card into the lock and nudging the door open with his foot. He managed to heave Edge onto the bed. Edge flopped onto his back, staring at the ceiling for a few moments before hoisting himself up.

“Oh alright, alright!” he said, lifting his hands in surrender. “I’ll tell you.”

“okay…”

“Stretch said he’d let me and you fuck him at the same time—at the _same time._ ” Edge stared at Cash expectantly, waiting for him to react.

Cash only sighed. “him and every other person on this boat, apparently.”

“Hmm…” Edge looked thoughtful. “Oh hey—Twisted’s here!”

Cash glanced over his shoulder to see Twist leaning against the doorframe. Cash supposed it was something that he’d put on a dry set of clothes, but oddly, his feet were bare and wet. “Havin’ fun you two?” he asked, regarding Cash with a very deliberate smirk.

Cash only rolled his eye-light. “think i’m going to bed,” he told them.

“Aw, no threesome then?” Edge pouted.

When Cash passed Twist at the door, Twist leaned down. “’ll take it from here,” he murmured.

“you sure as hell will.”

Twist chuckled, grasping Cash’s shoulder before he could go. “How was yer evenin’ with Pap ‘n the Pup?”

Cash blinked—then frowned—then scowled. “you planned that?” Twist shrugged in concession. “did you plan the little endeavour with stretch and edge too, then?”

“I… may a’ offered ‘em both a few extra drinks ta move things along,” he admitted, grinning. “Why? Did somethin’ happen?”

Cash removed Twist’s hand from his shoulder and began walking down the corridor. “’night, twisted.”

“Don’ ferget—ceremony’s tomorrow!” Twist called after him.

Cash scowled at his feet, vowing to himself never to let Twist plan _anything_ ever again.


	9. Round 4 Bone Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Land, ho! (And I’d like to apologise in advance for all the puns in this intro)
> 
> The ship has sailed back into port (perhaps some other ships will be sailing too), and it’s time for Cash to make another choice. Who will be walking the plank this week? Let’s sea!

By the time Cash awoke, sunlight was streaming in through his cabin’s porthole. He rolled over, tugging his duvet up to his chin and shielding his eyes.

The mattress shifted beside him and he groaned. “no. fuck off, twisted. let me sleep.”

Twist snickered softly. “Good mornin’ ta ya too, Patches.” When Cash ignored him, he climbed up onto the bed and knelt over Cash, humming. “Quite the sleepin’ beauty, aren’t ya?”

“oh, go fuck yourself,” Cash growled, despite the blush Twist’s words drew from him. “it’s too early. i am not in the mood to deal with your bullshit.”

“Fine.” Twist sniffed, leaning back. “But… ya’ve got five eager contestants waitin’ fer ya on the upper deck.”

Cash pulled his pillow over his skull. “tell them i’m busy.”

Twist hummed thoughtfully, lying back against the headboard. “I would just pick one a’ them myself, but ya’ve got some bones ta hand out, an’ my magic ain’t nearly as pretty as yers.”

Cash flipped him off, but rolled out of bed anyway. He stretched with a disgruntled sigh, turning to regard Twist, who was lying with his legs sprawled. He watched Cash with a smirk, lifting his brow bones. “don’t do that,” Cash said, giving him a dry look. “you look like a whore.”

“An’ who says I’m not one?” Twist asked, folding his arms.

“if i was going to fuck you, i sure as hell wouldn’t pay you for it,” Cash said, shortly. Twist tilted his head, grinning, and Cash blushed, suddenly realising the implications of his words. “shut up—and get out. i need to get dressed.”

“At yer command… Cap’n.” Twist saluted Cash before leaving, missing the foul gesture Cash shot him in return.

Cash glanced out the window as he pulled on his jeans. The sky was clear and the waves were calm, slapping gently against the boat’s side. He could hear the call of seagulls and the horns of other ships. When he emerged on the upper deck, he realised why; they had pulled back into port, their boat tethered to the docks. Cash’s soul sunk a little. He was going to miss being at sea.

The five remaining contestants were waiting for him beside the pool. Twist was lounging against the deck’s railing, and perked up when Cash emerged. “Ready fer the bonin’, Patches?”

Cash glared at him. “stop calling it that, you prick.”

“What? Yer givin’ everyone bones. It’s a perfect name.”

Cash fumed silently, ignoring Twist in favour of surveying the others. He noticed that Edge and Stretch had taken to standing on opposite ends of the group. Stretch had his hoodie pulled up and Edge was very rigid, his shoulders tensed. Slim and Papyrus were side-by-side, and both smiled at Cash as he approached. Razz was… also smiling. Which was unsettling.

When Cash reached the group, Twist heaved himself off the railing and came to stand beside Cash. “So, hope all a’ ya enjoyed the cruise.”

“they’d better have,” Cash muttered. “it cost a lot of fucking money.”

Twist only chuckled, patting Cash on the back. “An’ we’re all very grateful ta ya fer treatin’ us.” He indicated at the others before leaning back against the railing. “Stage is yers, Patches.”

Cash sighed, flexing his fingers before summoning the first violet bone. He offered it to Stretch, who lifted his chin slightly as he took it. He frowned when Cash leaned in, then blushed hotly when he whispered, “you know, edge told me some pretty interesting things last night…” Cash drew away and smirked, pleased with the reaction.

Stretch cleared his throat, his eye-lights flickering across the group. “yes. well. edge always says some pretty interesting things when he’s drunk.”

Lifting a brow bone, Cash tilted his head. “does he now?”

“oh fuck off,” Stretch grumbled, hurrying to Twist’s side.

A little more confidence-fuelled, Cash crossed the deck to stand before Edge next. He hesitated a moment, studying his expression. Edge willfully looked away from him, hard lines of tension in his face. Cash conjured a bone of magic and pressed it into Edge’s hands, then leaned in, and quietly said, “still down for that threesome?” as he eyed Stretch.

“Go fuck yourself,” Edge snapped, sounding tired.

“well, i’m trying,” Cash replied, giving Edge a sultry look.

“Fine then,” Edge said crisply, drawing his shoulders up. “Go fuck Razz.”

Cash glanced at Razz, frowning. “unlikely. but thank you.”

As Edge went to stand beside Twist (ignoring Stretch in a manner very apparent to everyone present), Cash summoned a third bone, facing down the three contestants he was less eager to confront.

He tentatively presented the bone to Slim, and his chest clenched at the glance Slim exchanged with Papyrus. He smiled at Cash and stepped close enough that Cash could feel his breath against his face. “y-you…” Cash swallowed, leaning back. Memories of the previous night flooded his mind and his cheekbones felt hot.

Slim watched him curiously for a few seconds, his smile growing wider the longer Cash struggled with his words. “thank you,” Slim said at last, sparing him. “last night was lovely.” He left Cash stammering and went to stand next to Twist, who cast him a knowing look, smirking.

Tearing his eye away, Cash summoned the final bone for the ceremony. Taking a deep breath, he gave it to Papyrus. He briefly registered that Razz was still smiling, but ignored him for the moment. He was trying very hard not to look at Papyrus either. He took a shaky breath and looked deliberately away. “guess i was sort of… into all that stuff last night,” he muttered, burying his hands in his pockets and cursing himself for leaving his lighter at home.

He made a small noise of surprise when Papyrus leaned in and touched his teeth to his jaw. “I second that.” He beamed. “Last night was an eye socket-opening experience. Perhaps we can continue it sometime.”

Cash nodded tightly, staring at the floor. “right... yeah, uh. definitely.” As Papyrus joined the rest of the group, Cash turned to Razz. “you’re looking awfully cheerful for someone who just got eliminated,” he observed, cocking a brow bone.

“Let’s not pretend I ever stood a chance of winning,” Razz said, crossing his arms. His smile was still all too smug for Cash’s comfort.

“we all knew it,” Cash said, somewhat snidely, “i just wasn’t sure you did. your inflated sense of self can be baffling.”

Razz’s smile slipped a little, but he quickly eased back into nonchalance. “This coming from a guy who’s hosting a competition in which he is the prize.”

Cash frowned, but Twist interrupted the conversation before it could escalate further. “Hey, don’ give ‘im the credit, I’m the host here,” he reminded them, looking affronted. “An’, uh… I think we should be gettin’ off this boat. The owners ‘re probably goin’ ta be back from their business trip soon.”

They all stared at him. “twisted…” Cash pinched his nasal bridge, inhaling deeply. “what the fuck did you do?”

Twist winked at him. “If we wait around long enough, ya migh’ find out.”

 

As it happened, Cash did not have to find out. They made it back to the manor without running into any furious wealthy boat owners. Cash made his way straight to the bathroom when they arrived home. As much as he loved being at sea, the lack of hot water aboard the boat had been deplorable.

He had just begun to strip off when he heard his bedroom door opening. He spun, quickly ducking behind the bed to hide his nudity. “who—twisted! you ever heard of knocking?”

Twist blinked at Cash, frowning as he scanned him in confusion. “Huh… oh! Yer naked.” Cash gave him a deadpan look. “Sorry,” Twist said, turning away. “Just wanted ta ask how yer feelin’.”

Sighing, Cash wrapped a towel around himself and sat on the bed. “it’s fine,” he said. “nothing you haven’t seen before… bastard.”

Twist glanced at him, grinning, before sitting beside him. “So… is it narcissism, or…?”

“what?”

Twist chuckled, squeezing his shoulder affectionately. “Can’ help bu’ notice ye’ve only got the other Paps left…”

“ugh.” Cash shoved him, scowling. “you want me to give razz a call? tell him to come back?”

“Fuck no. Ya made a good choice.” Cash hummed in mild indifference, staring at the carpet. “Seriously though, ya good fer next week?” Twist frowned, surveying Cash. “It’s gonna be a hard decision.”

Cash frowned, considering. Twist was right, he realised. With the way things had panned out on the cruise (via Twist’s own orchestrating, no doubt), Cash’s choice was no longer limited to himself.

No matter who he eliminated next, he would be splitting apart a couple.


	10. Round 5 - Camping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What better way to bond than a ~~couples’~~ getaway to the mountains? A spontaneous camping trip–-organised by no other than the ever-creative host–-yields some very… interesting moments. How will Cash handle the daunting task of sharing a tent with the remaining contestants? Let’s see!

The open road stretched for miles ahead, weaving into the mountains that loomed on the horizon. Though heavy grey clouds blanketed the sky, slivers of sunlight glanced off the snow-capped hills in the distance.

Cash could smell pine and heather in the air outside his rolled-down window. He leaned on his elbow against the frame as he drove, enjoying the rush of wind. He could see Stretch asleep on Edge’s shoulder in the car’s rear-view mirror, and behind them, Slim and Papyrus, talking quietly. The moment of peace was almost enough to dispel any thoughts of the impending trial ahead of him.

He glanced at Twist, who was sitting in the passenger seat beside him. “feet off my dashboard, twisted,” he chided softly, so as not to wake Stretch or Edge. Twist eyed him with a smirk before dropping his feet to the floor. Cash focused on the road, but he could feel Twist watching him. “no. not talking about it,” he said, when Twist opened his mouth.

Twist raised his hands in surrender and shut his mouth, leaning back. Cash breathed internally, relieved—if not surprised—that Twist wasn’t pushing him. He rolled up his window at the sudden icy spit of rain on his ulna. The downpour started quickly, and soon they were driving with the headlights on and the windscreen wipers at full speed, the road ahead blurred by sheets of rain. Cash didn’t mind rain normally, but the knowledge that they’d be spending the next couple of nights in tents dampened his spirits.

“Guess tha’s a no ta roastin’ marshmallows,” Twist said, sounding genuinely glum.

“you don’t even eat marshmallows,” Cash pointed out.

“Doesn’ mean I can’ appreciate the fine art a’ gettin’ ‘em perfectly crispy,” Twist replied, crossing his arms. “Plus—” he winked “—sticky fingers ‘re always fun.”

Cash very nearly contemplated pulling over to slap him.

 

Blessedly, the rain had stopped when they reached their campsite, which was unsurprisingly empty—given that it was the middle of the week. And freezing cold. The grass was thick, crunching beneath Cash’s sneakers as he climbed out of the car. He could feel the oozing mud beneath it, and grimaced. “you pitching the tents?” he asked Twist.

“Though’ we could do it together,” Twist said, grinning.

Cash scowled. The others were already pulling their camping gear from the back of the truck, with an off-putting degree of enthusiasm. “i’m good,” Cash said, flatly. He shivered as the icy wind picked up, passing straight through his ribcage. Twist observed him with a tilt of his head.

“Aw, cold, sweetheart?”

“well, yeah, a little—”

“A bit a’ movin’ around should warm ya righ’ up!” he said, throwing an arm around Cash’s shoulders and leading him to the back of the truck. “Help me pitch our tent?”

“i don’t even know how to—wait, did you say _our_ tent?”

“Yeah! Well—fer tonight. Tomorrow yer with Edgy and the honey drop. Day after’s Papy and the puppy.” Twist grinned, clearly pleased with his orchestration. “Excited?”

“twist. look at my face— _very_ hard—and tell me if i’m excited.”

 

Unsurprisingly, Twist didn’t quite catch on to Cash’s disgruntlement at the sleeping arrangements. It started to rain later in the evening, driving them all into their tents early. Truthfully, Cash didn’t mind. The day of driving had worn him out (as had Twist’s tent-pitching lesson) and sleep was a welcome activity. And—had it not been for Twist’s near-naked state when Cash entered the tent—sleep might even have been achievable.

“twist—fuck!” Cash made a noise he would not have been proud of under typical circumstances. But given the sight of Twist’s bare bones, the cogs of his mind were a little jammed. “put—put some damn clothes on!”

Twist turned around, and Cash slapped a hand over his eye socket. “Aw, Patches, there’s no need fer that—I don’ mind if ya see me naked.”

“ _i_ mind,” Cash said, exasperated.

“Ah.” Twist didn’t sound embarrassed, but there was a sheepish note to his tone. “Gotcha. Pyjamas ‘re goin’ back on.”

“ _back_ on? why didn’t they _stay_ on in the first place?”

“Hey, I like sleepin’ bare boned. Gives me more freedom.”

Cash inhaled through his nasal aperture, then exhaled slowly between his teeth. “we’re sharing. a mattress. twist.”

“Alrigh’, alrigh’, I hear ya. Clothes ‘re back on.”

Cash cracked open his socket in time to see Twist pulling his shirt over his head. He caught a glimpse of the scars and lashes across his back, and glanced away; it felt somehow more personal seeing Twist’s scars than it did seeing his entire bare pelvis.

Once they were both dressed (Twist very respectfully looked away while Cash changed), they climbed into their sleeping bags on the inflatable mattress. “this thing is waterproof, right?” Cash asked, eyeing the tent walls, which shuddered beneath the heavy rain.

“Uh… hm. Didn’ check actually.” Twist grinned, scratching the back of his skull. “Yes?”

Cash cast him a sharp glance before turning onto his side, facing away from him. He felt the mattress shift beneath Twist’s weight as he shifted beside him, moving closer. “… what are you doing, twisted?”

“Yer shiverin’,” Twist remarked.

Cash grimaced and wrapped his arms tighter around himself, trying to snuggle deeper into his sleeping bag. “no, i’m not.”

“I can hear yer rattlin’ bones, sweetheart.”

Cash huffed. “so what?”

“Well, body heat does wonders fer—”

“fuck off, twist. let me sleep.”

Twist was silent for a few seconds before conceding. “Fine. Bu’ don’ go freezin’ ta death. The others would be very disappointed if we had ta end the contest early.”

Cash had to bury his surprised laugh in his sleeve, trying to pass it off as a cough. “’night, twisted.”

“Love ya too, Patches.”

 

****

 

“are you fucking with me? hiking?”

Twist beamed. “Hell yeah. Great group activity.”

“twisted, it’s raining.” Cash scowled, glancing outside at the downpour. They’d managed to set up a tarp for shelter—and thankfully, the tents had proven to be waterproof (though Stretch had still complained about ‘getting wet’ last night, and had earned himself a smack on the shoulder from Edge).

“As much as I enjoy hiking, Twist, I’m afraid I’m with Cash on this one,” Edge said. “Drenching myself in mud is not a good use of my time.”

“Nor mine,” Papyrus agreed. “And I don’t think it would be good for the health of Small Me.” He eyed Slim sympathetically. “He didn’t sleep very well last night.” When they all stared at him in shock, he tutted, adding, “Not for the crude reasons Lazy Me has been insinuating—he couldn’t keep warm.”

“and you didn’t offer any assistance?” Stretch asked, the corner of his mouth curling up.

Papyrus drew his shoulders up, sniffing. “Of course I offered! Body heat does wonders for staving off the cold.” Twist nudged Cash, giving him a deliberate look, and Cash rolled his eye-light. “Small Me was simply… not in the mood for cuddling.” Papyrus spoke with poise, but Cash could almost detect a hint of hurt in his tone. Slim had his head bowed and his arms around himself, as if trying to make himself very small.

Silence fell over the group—and not an entirely comfortable silence. Cash fiddled with his lighter in his coat pocket, itching for a cigarette but knowing he’d be heavily chastised for it by at least half the company present. He was grateful when Twist spoke up, declaring that they ought to get started on breakfast. There was quick consensus on the decision.

 

The downpour of rain had slowed to a drizzle by late afternoon, and when dinner rolled around, the sky was clear and starry. While Papyrus and Edge got a fire going, Twist, Slim, and Stretch retrieved the camping chairs from the back of the truck. “Yer in charge a’ the marshmallows,” Twist told Cash, to which Cash responded with a rude gesture that Twist turned around just in time to miss.

When Cash returned with the marshmallows and adequately long sticks to roast them with, the fire was crackling and the chairs were set out. Only…

“Huh. We seem ta be short a chair,” Twist said, surveying the set up thoughtfully.

“I’ll stand,” Edge offered, getting up.

“No, no.” Twist waved him off. “Don’ worry ‘bout that. No one has ta stand. Someone’ll just have ta sit in someone’s lap.” The group fell silent, and Twist looked exasperated. “What? No volunteers?”

“i nominate the bachelor,” Stretch said, and Cash shot him a glare. Twist seemed pleased with the idea however, clapping his hands together.

“Ah, perfect! You c’n alternate, Patches. Give everyone a fair chance.”

“what? _no,_ ” Cash exclaimed, horrified. He glanced over the group frantically. “why me?”

“you’re the bachelor,” Stretch reminded him.

“yes, _thank you,_ dick,” Cash snapped at him, irritably. Stretch shrugged and leaned back in his chair, unperturbed. “twisted—you’re not actually going to force me to do this are you?”

“Aw, ‘course not, sweetheart.” Twist stood up and circled the campfire to squeeze Cash’s shoulders. “You c’n have my chair.”

Cash blinked. “wait, that’s not what i—”

“Twisted Me! How presumptuous of you.” Papyrus stood up too, sighing laboriously. “As the greatest of Papyruses present—no offence intended—it would be my honour to accept the standing role.”

“pap,” Cash said, shaking his head, “you really don’t have to—”

“Oh, come now,” Edge said, sighing. He too, got up, standing beside Twist and Papyrus and regarding them with a look some might have deemed condescending. “As the one with the most combat training—and prowess—I ought to stand. If we were to be attacked, I would make the best first line of defence.”

Stretch snorted, earning himself a glare from Edge. Twist was shaking his head though, chuckling. He patted Edge’s arm, giving him a look one might give a child when teaching them a new life lesson. “Aw. Precious. Yer great. But… c’mon.” He indicated himself sweepingly. “’m more durable fer one.”

Edge scoffed, drawing himself up. “And what does that have to do with competence?”

Twist snickered and cast a wink in Cash’s direction. “A whole lot. Lemme tell ya.”

Stretch and Slim were both trying to stifle their laughter, while Edge and Papyrus just looked frustrated. Patience diminishing, Cash said, “alright—for fuck’s sake! you’re both great fighters—”

“Wasn’ talkin’ abou’ fightin’, Patches.”

“—i’ll just sit on someone’s bloody lap,” Cash finished, ignoring Twist’s wise quip. He marched over to Stretch. “and since you’re the asshole who suggested it, you get to have me first.”

Stretch winced a little as Cash plopped himself down heavily, but laughed nonetheless, leaning forward to wrap his arms around Cash’s waist. “i’ll gladly have you first, love.”

 

By some miracle, the remainder of the evening passed without event—other than Cash’s constant lap-switching, that is. It was only when Twist pointed out that Slim was dozing (one of his arms still looped casually around Cash’s waist) that they decided to call it a night. Cash awkwardly shook Slim awake, and couldn’t help but mirror the blush that spread across Slim’s face upon realising he’d fallen asleep with Cash in his lap.

After clearing up the chairs and extinguishing the remaining embers of the fire (an act that had earned raised brow bones from the two Tale-verse monsters), they all headed for their respective tents. Cash hesitated outside Edge and Stretch’s tent, glancing at Twist. “are you… going to be okay by yourself?” he asked, uncharacteristically concerned for the big idiot.

Twist faltered briefly before responding, his smile easy and relaxed. “Yeah. ‘Course. Sleep tight, Patches.” He winked. “An’ don’ be afraid ta have a little fun.”

“ugh.” Cash shot Twist his middle finger before ducking into Edge and Stretch’s tent. It was dark, but he could see them already lying side-by-side on the bed. “there isn’t going to be any…” He gestured vaguely. “tent fucking, is there?”

“well, so much for subtlety,” Stretch said, while Edge’s blush glowed through the darkness. “and—no.”

Cash shrugged, slipping off his jacket and pulling his pyjamas out of the travel pack in his inventory. “was there any last night?”

Silence.

“…no?” Stretch sounded less confident.

“fucking brilliant,” Cash grumbled as he changed.

“well. yeah.”

“For fuck’s sake!” Edge cried, burying his face in his hands.

“yeah—that’s what we’re talking about, love,” Stretch murmured, prying his hands away from his face.

Edge pulled away from him and sighed, burrowing deeper into his sleeping bag. “Goodnight. Both of you. I will kindly ask that there isn’t any sexual intercourse while I’m asleep.”

“we’ll wake you up for that,” Cash muttered. Stretch grinned at him, while Edge shot him his middle finger.

Huh. Cash wasn’t normally the one on the receiving end of those gestures.

When dressed, he hovered awkwardly beside the mattress, unsure where his place was in all this. As if reading his mind, Stretch scooched aside, making room. “you’re in the middle, sweetheart,” he said, smiling.

Cash paused, still uncertain. “i… don’t know if…”

“keep us honest,” Stretch said.

“I don’t think there’s anything that can keep you honest,” Edge mumbled from somewhere in his sleeping bag.

Stretch grinned, his cheekbones brightening. “he’s right, but your effort will be appreciated.”

With some difficulty, Cash managed to clamber over Stretch, wedging himself between him and Edge at the centre of the mattress. He pulled his sleeping bag out and zipped it right up to his shoulders, cursing his shaking bones. Clearly, he wasn’t built for the cold.

“If you keep rattling like that, I’m not going to get a wink of sleep,” Edge complained.

Cash scowled at his back, trying to hold himself tighter. “you think i’m doing it on purpose, twat?” He startled when Stretch shifted up behind him, pressing into his back.

“need some body heat?”

Cash might have protested, only… Stretch was awfully warm. And that ever-present aura of Tale-verse sweetness was doing wonders for Cash’s lingering doubts about his intrusiveness. “maybe a little,” he muttered, relinquishing. Stretch hummed and snuggled closer. “not that much,” Cash warned, and Stretch chuckled, drawing back.

“got it. hey—edgelord? you gonna help keep our bachelor warm?”

“You seem to be managing just fine,” Edge mumbled. Cash detected a note of dejection in his voice, and frowned.

“i’m, uh, still a little cold actually,” he said, stiffly. “i could use the extra body.”

Edge’s put-upon sigh echoed in the stillness of the tent, but he turned over. His expression betrayed little, but Cash caught him eyeing Stretch. He shuffled closer and sandwiched Cash between himself and Stretch. “I suppose I could spare a little heat,” he mumbled.

“you always were the giving type,” Stretch said, a smirk in his voice.

“And it’s nothing but taking with you,” Edge retorted, though not without amusement.

Cash listened to them bicker good-naturedly for a few minutes before dozing off—but not before he felt their hands linking together across him. And strangely, Cash didn’t feel like an intruder—but rather, an honoured guest, graced with the opportunity to share one of their most intimate moments.

He slept well that night.

 

****

 

One drawback of the rainy period of their getaway ending, was that there was nothing more stopping Twist from _insisting_ that everyone join him on his hike. His 7am hike. Though sleeping between Edge and Stretch all night had been comfortable, Cash was very disgruntled at being shaken awake by an all-too-energetic Twist at six in the morning.

And perhaps more infuriating, was the fact that Stretch somehow managed to wheedle his way out of going—Cash had no such luck. “Yer the bachelor, it’s compulsory!” Twist told him, clapping him on the back enthusiastically. “C’mon, you’ll have fun. Promise.”

“i think it’s long been established that you and i have very different definitions of fun, twisted,” Cash groused as they trudged towards the hiking path.

The morning was crisp and chilly, and Cash had bundled himself in as many layers as he could scavenge from the others, his own wardrobe designed for appearance rather than comfort. He was still shivering, despite the warm sunlight that glanced off the snow-kissed grass. Twist was a little too energetic for him to keep up with, so he fell behind, ending up with Slim, who was also having difficulty matching the paces of the three more athletic skeletons. He smiled at Cash and they walked in silence.

When Cash’s bones began to warm up, the walk gradually grew pleasant. The mountain they were heading up was one of the smaller ones (Twist had been eager to tackle the _biggest_ one—but even Papyrus had refused to partake in such an expedition). The mountain’s slopes were coated in heather, which swayed in the wind, and the stiff grass crunched beneath their feet as they walked, a satisfying sound to fill the silence.

They reached the top of the mountain before midday, by which time Cash’s bones and feet were aching. “we have to go back down, too?” he whined, slumping back onto the bench at the lookout point. “can’t we just teleport back?”

“Maybe if Stretch were here,” Twist said, “but I don’ think you or the puppy can handle teleportin’ two people at once over such a long distance.”

“i am going to murder that lazy bastard when we get back,” Cash grumbled beneath his breath. He couldn’t argue with the point though—Slim was looking just about as worn out as he was feeling. “fine. but i’m resting first. do we have any snacks?”

Twist rummaged in his inventory and handed Cash a bottle. “Sea tea!”

Cash eyed it, reading the label carefully. “isn’t this the one that you use for…?”

“It—” Twist’s eye sockets widened and he quickly snatched the bottle away. “Ha. Woops! Have this one instead.” He considered after handing Cash the correct bottle, glancing at Slim. “Although… ya might wanna keep the other one too. Y’know? Fer later tonight?” He lifted a brow bone suggestively, and Cash pulled a face, gulping down the regular Sea Tea.

“i’m good.”

“Ya sure?” Twist looked dubious. “’Cause if yer stamina in the bedroom—or the tent, in this case—is anythin’ like yer hikin’ stamina, then—”

“i’m not fucking anyone, twisted!” Cash snapped, so loudly, Edge and Papyrus glanced at him from where they were standing on the ledge some twenty feet away. Cash scowled and slumped in his seat, sipping at the tea. He inhaled as the fresh magic flowed through him, restoring some of the mana he’d lost in the hike.

He glanced at Slim, surprised to see that his cheekbones were glowing a light amber. “uh… sea tea?” he offered, feeling awkward.

Slim took the bottle and sipped at it, thanking Cash quietly while averting his eye-lights. Why was he…? Oh—stars. Had it been the fucking thing? Was he that repelled by the idea? Or…

_~~Was he actually disappointed that Cash had said they wouldn’t be fucking? Had he been expecting it? Did he think Cash had been doing that with Stretch and Edge? Had… had he and Papyrus been—?~~ _

Cash swallowed back the magic that had begun to pool in his mandible, cursing Twist and his damn sea tea.

The hike back was significantly quicker than the hike up had been—a mixture of both the sea tea and the downhill trek. Irritatingly, Stretch was napping in his tent when they arrived back at the campsite. Cash was jealous. Then again…

He thought back to Slim. Maybe the hike hadn’t been a complete misuse of time.

 

By the time night came, the effects of the sea tea had worn off, and Cash was feeling tired. He announced that he’d be heading to bed early, and thankfully, no one protested, not even Twist (by some miracle). Cash had just climbed into his sleeping bag in Slim and Papyrus’ tent when the zip opened and Slim climbed in. “thought i’d make it an early night too,” he said, smiling.

Cash only nodded, watching him as he stripped off his jacket and numerable other layers. He only realised he’d been staring when Slim cleared his throat. “mind, uh, not looking?” Slim sounded almost regretful, as if he’d rather Cash—

_Nope._ No. That was definitely Cash’s imagination. He quickly nodded and averted his gaze, looking up again only when he felt Slim settling onto the mattress beside him. They lay in silence for a few long minutes, neither of them finding the right words to break it. Eventually, Slim rolled onto his side away from Cash. “well. ‘night,” he murmured.

“yeah—uh. goodnight,” Cash replied. Sleep seemed far beyond him now, his mind suddenly alive and enthusiastic. He turned over and cradled himself, muttering a curse when his bones started rattling again from cold.

It took him a few minutes to realise that he wasn’t the only one shivering. The quiet clicking of Slim’s bones was arguably louder than his own. “you cold?” Cash asked, clearing his throat.

“bit. yeah.”

“huh.” Cash clenched his teeth and squeezed his socket shut. _eloquent response, asshole,_ his mind supplied, unhelpfully. “well, i, uh—i hear body heat—”

“—does wonders for staving off the cold?”

Cash coughed. “well. yeah.”

Slim chuckled quietly. “papyrus has been using that on me a lot these past two nights.”

“him and everyone else on this damn trip,” Cash mumbled.

“it’s sound advice,” Slim said.

“it is.”

Silence hung between them for a few charged seconds. Then—

“you wanna test the theory?”

Cash froze—literally and figuratively, because _oh,_ that was a tempting offer. And not least because his very bones felt like ice. It took him a few deep breaths to muster up a coherent response. “s-sure.” He turned over slowly, facing Slim, who was grinning, as if entertained by Cash’s sudden fluster.

He moved first, shifting across the mattress and gradually leaning into Cash—his skull just touching Cash’s chest. He paused there, waiting for Cash to further the contact. “this okay?” he whispered—and _yes,_ Cash wanted to say, _this is more than okay, this is perfect!_

“it’s fine,” he said instead, carefully wrapping an arm around Slim’s shoulders. He shifted, uncertain. “is—is this? okay?”

Humming and nuzzling right into Cash’s chest, Slim nodded. “this is perfect.”

Without realising it, Cash had begun to purr.

 

By the time Papyrus came to bed, Slim was fast asleep, head rested against Cash’s sternum. Cash couldn’t sleep, though—not now. Not like this. He wanted to savour it. He wanted to commit it to memory, to keep it locked away in his melting soul like a treasure.

But his purring ceased when Papyrus climbed onto the mattress and snuggled against Slim’s back. Cash stiffened, silencing himself. “hey,” he said, and his voice was tight.

Papyrus beamed. “You managed to convince him to share body heat with you? Excellent work, Wealthy Me. You’ve achieved in an hour what I could not in two nights.”

A pit formed in Cash’s chest, and he nodded weakly. “right…”

“Are you feeling alright?” Papyrus asked, ever perceptive, and Cash grimaced.

“great.”

Papyrus’ smile sunk to a frown, and he reached a hand out to hold Cash’s shoulder in steady reassurance. “It’s okay, Cash—” Oh, how the use of his name threw Cash off guard “—you can talk to me. Something’s bothering you. Can I help?”

Cash wasn’t sure if it was the unabridged openness with which Papyrus addressed him, or simply that Slim’s consistent, and abnormal, affectionate projections had finally worn him down, but he broke, a startled sob escaping his throat. “i—i don’t know,” he stammered, voice trembling.

Papyrus remained composed, but a sadness touched his eyes. “What is it? Did something happen?”

“no.” Cash breathed in, trying to stanch the tears. “not really? just—” His breath hitched “—all of this. this damn _competition._ this stupid bachelor rubbish. i—i can’t do it. i can’t…” Cash squeezed his socket closed and the tears fell. “i can’t eliminate any more of you. i _can’t._ ”

Papyrus rubbed gentle circles on his arm and inched closer so that he could wrap an arm around both Cash and Slim, who, somehow, slept on. “Oh, Wealthy Me, you don’t have to worry about all that. It’s only a game. We know that you don’t _really_ hate us.”

Cash’s chest heaved. “oh, for god’s sake…”

“Sorry,” Papyrus said, quickly, frowning. “A poor choice of words. But—my point remains. None of us hold your eliminations against you.”

“pap, i can’t…” Cash tried to catch his breath, pressing his knuckles against his eye socket to try and stop the tears—a fruitless effort. “i _can’t_ get rid of edge or stretch this week. i…” He took a shuddering gasp of air. “i can’t split them apart.”

Papyrus nodded his understanding. “I know…”

“but i can’t do that to you or slim either.” Cash’s hands had curled into fists, and he grit his teeth, frustration mingling with despair. “what—what am i supposed to do?” Cash felt ridiculous. Breaking down in front of Papyrus over something so trivial and fleeting. It _was_ just a silly game—designed by the twisted bastard to try and coax Cash out of his shell. Well. Mission accomplished. Clearly. His comfortable shell was in ruins.

Papyrus was silent for a time, though his gentle petting didn’t cease. Eventually, he shifted closer, so that Slim was pressed between himself and Cash, his head still resting on Cash’s chest. Despite himself—Cash’s soul warmed at the feeling, and his tears quelled a little. “What is Slim to you, Cash?” Papyrus asked, softly.

Cash blinked, taken aback by the question. “what? what do you…?”

Papyrus tutted, admonishing, but he smiled gently. “It’s been fairly obvious who you’ve had your sights on since the beginning,” he said. “And I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

Cash stared, then shook his head earnestly. “no, no—papyrus, you’re not—”

“Small Me and I aren’t…” Papyrus considered briefly. “We aren’t Edge and Stretch, if you catch my meaning. We’re friends—excellent friends! But… just friends.”

“but… on the boat, when you…”

Papyrus laughed softly and stroked Cash’s cheekbone with his thumb. There was something deeply intimate, yet completely lacking in sexuality, about the gesture, and Cash shivered pleasantly, his purr threatening to return. “Twisted Me and myself were growing rather tired of watching you and Small Me dancing around each other.”

Cash stared, astonished. “wait, that was… you and twist?”

Papyrus beamed, and Cash lacked the composure to chastise him with one of his scalding glares. Instead, he just laughed, if not simply because of the sheer unbelievability of the situation. Papyrus leaned forward and touched his teeth to Cash’s forehead lightly, before doing the same with Slim, lingering a few seconds longer. “I am very fond of Small Me—and who knows? Perhaps, if properly cultivated, our relationship could have blossomed into something more. I don’t think either of us would have been opposed to that.” Cash didn’t miss the hypothetical past tense of Papyrus’ words.

“papyrus…” He closed his eyes, fresh guilt washing over him. “i’m sorry…”

“There will be none of that,” Papyrus chided, gently. “The decision is still up to you, but I want you to know that… I won’t hold it against you.”

Cash swallowed and nodded. “thank you,” he whispered, and he shifted forward to hug Papyrus, encasing Slim between them in the embrace. Papyrus held him back, and Cash felt the hum of his purrs returning, deep down.

For all Papyrus’ reassurances, Cash couldn’t control the prickle of remorse he felt at the knowledge that this—this perfection—was so fleeting.


	11. Round 5 Bone Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, camping. There’s nothing better than a trip to the mountains. Sleeping in icy cold weather with nothing but the thin walls of a tent and a flimsy sleeping back to keep you cozy–who could ask for more? And what better way to end off the trip than another elimination!
> 
> Refreshed and revived, Cash now has a difficult choice to make. Will it all end in heartbreak? Let’s see.

The drive back wasn’t nearly as peaceful as the drive there had been. Cash found it difficult to appreciate the sprawling fields and green mountains when his soul felt heavy with guilt. He was thankful that Twist had at least scheduled the elimination for after their return. Cash wasn’t sure he’d have been able to endure a five-hour car ride back with everyone after the ceremony.

Although the trip was uncomfortable, it felt far too short. Cash had fallen asleep in the back seat with Stretch after Edge had volunteered to drive. He was awoken by the familiar grind of gravel beneath the car’s tyres. He slowly opened his socket to find the car pulling up in front of the manor. Though home was normally where Cash felt most comfortable, there was no place he’d less like to be right now.

The ceremony was delayed further to give everyone time to unpack and shower after the cramped car ride. Cash gathered his belongings from the trunk and headed inside. He was stopped at the foot of the stairs by a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, Patches,” Twist said, turning him around. “You alright?” There was a note of worry to his tone. For Twist to be expressing concern, Cash’s troubles must have been more obvious than he’d thought.

“fine,” he said, his voice flat. Twist lifted a brow bone and Cash shook his hand off. “gonna shower.” He hurried up the stairs without waiting for a response.

All too soon, he was coming back down. The four remaining contestants were awaiting him in the front hall, Twist hovering at the foot of the stairs. For once, he didn’t look excited. That alone was enough to sink Cash’s spirits somehow further. “Ready?” Twist asked, squeezing his arm when he reached the bottom of the stairs.

Cash eyed Edge, Stretch, Slim, and Papyrus, and swallowed. As always, they looked far too cheerful (Edge aside, perhaps). Cash hated this. “i guess,” he muttered, summoning the first bone.

No one looked surprised when he handed it to Slim—though he did so with a twisting nausea in his chest. Slim accepted it with a smile—a smile that might have made Cash’s soul flutter under normal circumstances, but right now, it only deepened his guilt. Slim joined Twist, who tucked him under his arm. Cash’s gaze lingered on them for a few moments; there was a warm affection in the way Twist held Slim, as if he was… comforting him.

Twist gave Cash a nod of reassurance and Cash tore his gaze away, shutting his socket. He held it closed for a few seconds, breathing slowly. Knowing he was only delaying the inevitable heartbreak, he summoned two bones at once and handed them to Stretch and Edge.

There was a ringing silence in his ear canals. He was certain everyone had been anticipating it, but now that he’d done it, he felt ashamed. He turned slowly to face Papyrus. He was smiling—because _of course_ he was smiling. “pap…” The word barely left his mouth, half a choked whisper. “i’m sorry.”

Papyrus approached him, still smiling. Cash could feel the others watching them. He wanted to melt into the marble floor tiles. “Wealthy M—Cash.” Papyrus’ voice was soft and kind. He tilted Cash’s chin and met his eye, looking earnest. “May I?” he asked, opening his arms in offering. Stiffly, Cash nodded, and Papyrus hugged him. “It’s okay,” Papyrus whispered, stroking Cash’s spine and cradling his skull. “I know you’ll be happy. That’s all I want.”

Cash couldn’t reply. He couldn’t think of anything to say. Nothing seemed right. So, he just… leaned into Papyrus’ arms. He let himself be held. Papyrus was projecting—comfort, affection, compassion—and Cash soaked it in. He wasn’t sure if he deserved it, but for just a moment, he let himself have it.

 

****

 

Cash made no protest when Twist lay down beside him on the bed. He was staring at the ceiling, flicking his lighter on and off and watching the flame shudder in the wind let in by the open window. He had a self-imposed rule against smoking in his own bedroom. He normally didn’t mind the smell, but it wasn’t the type of thing he liked waking up to in the morning. At the present, watching the flame of his lighter seemed like the next best thing.

He felt Twist shuffling across the mattress to get closer to him, but he didn’t chastise him for it, as he normally might have. “Three left,” Twist remarked, and Cash hummed his acknowledgement but didn’t reply. He could feel the yellow of Twist’s eye-light on him. “Ya lookin’ forward ta the next round?”

Cash paused his flicking to give Twist a deadpan look. “has the answer to that question ever been yes?” he asked, dryly.

Twist chuckled. “Think you’ll like this one.”

“forgive my lack of faith in your judgement on the matter.”

Propping himself up on his elbow, Twist leaned in—his face almost intimately close. “Figured I’d heat things up a little after that cold trip to the mountains.”

That was ominous. Cash frowned, mistrustful. “meaning…?”

Twist was already climbing off the bed. He shot Cash a wink when he reached the door. “Since we’ve narrowed it down ta three, I figured we could spice things up a bit, y’know? Three’s not too many for ya, is it? What’s the number before ya start considerin’ yerself promiscuous?”

“promiscuous?” Cash echoed, startled. Realisation slowly dawned on him, and he gaped. “twisted—are you going to make me—?”

“Not gonna make ya do anythin’, sweetheart,” Twist assured him. “I’ll only be providin’ encouragement. And snacks.”

Cash closed his eye and inhaled, swallowing back his barrage of retorts. “and… how am i supposed to pick _one,_ if i’ve…?” He made a gesture that extracted a snicker from Twist.

Winking, he said, “Hey, it’s yer game, Patches. No one said ya had ta play by the rules.”


	12. Final Round - Sleeping Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you read right! It is indeed the final round.  
> “But Ms. Dragons,” you say, “there are still three contestants left! That means two more eliminations.”  
> Ah, you speak the truth. But Cash has decided to fuck the rules and do things his own way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mildly NSFW, suggestive, but not explicit.

“So, tanight ya have the Edgelord, tomorrow’s the puppy, then—”

“and i’m expected to fuck all of them?”

Twist sighed and looked up from his clipboard. “Not expected— _encouraged._ ”

“we’re sharing a bed,” Cash remarked, flatly, leaning back in his armchair. “that usually leads to some degree of… fondling.” He cleared his throat, fidgeting. “do you think they’ll—want to…?” He scowled at the carpet, cursing his blush.

“Sweetheart.” Twist squeezed his shoulder affectionately. “Ya don’ have ta do anythin’ ya don’ wanna—ya know that, don’t ya?”

“i know that,” Cash replied shortly. “but, do they… want me?”

“Oh.” Twist blinked, then his features softened and he grinned. “Can’t speak fer them, ‘a course, but I don’ think you’ll be short on enthusiasm, if tha’s what yer worried about.”

Cash looked up at him. “what’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, cautiously.

Twist winked and slipped his clipboard into his inventory, standing. “Let’s jus’ say—yer not as unalluring as ya seem ta think, Patches.”

Cash stared at him. He. He _had_ heard correctly, hadn’t he? But this was Twist. Twist didn’t flirt… Did he? “w-well,” Cash said quickly, scrambling for a change in topic. “am i—am i really meant to—to have sex with _all_ of them? isn’t that…?” He swallowed back a niggle of guilt, thinking of Slim.

Twist considered him. “Yer worried about bein’ unfaithful?”

“i’m not dating any of them, so _no_ ,” Cash said, sniffing. “but… yes,” he added, quietly.

“Aw, Patches,” Twist cooed, sitting on the edge of his chair and slinging an arm around Cash’s shoulders. “Let’s not pretend yer the only one with eyes—sorry, an eye—fer more than one person.”

Twist didn’t give Cash a chance to do much more than gape before grinning and hopping off his chair. “Have fun, darlin’—and be safe!” Cash watched him go, still trying to process what he’d said.

 

After showering, Cash rummaged through his closet for his most pristine set of pyjamas—lavender spider silk, likely more expensive than the wardrobes of every other person in the house combined. He added a touch of bone cologne to his wrists, and double-checked his appearance in the mirror before crossing the hall to Edge’s bedroom.

He was surprised to find Slim waiting for him outside the door. A spike of guilt shot through him. Why did it feel as if he’d been caught out? Slim knew what he was doing—and what he was likely to do as the night progressed. So… why did this feel like a betrayal?

Slim observed him, tilting his head with a smile. “you look awfully dashing for someone on their way to bed,” he remarked. Cash grumbled a non-response and looked at the floor. “how are you feeling?” Slim asked.

“normal,” Cash said, blandly.

Slim eyed Edge’s door. “that’s a pity. i think edge’s standards are a little above ‘normal’.” When Cash didn’t respond, Slim took his hand and squeezed it. “well. good luck.” He turned to walk away, but Cash caught him by the sleeve, suddenly frantic.

“slim. is this…” He swallowed and grit his teeth. “should i be doing this?”

“what?” Slim asked. “fucking edge?” Cash flushed hotly and Slim grinned. “is that what you want to do?”

“i…” Cash considered. So distracted by his guilt, he hadn’t actually considered whether or not he _wanted_ this. He couldn’t deny his attraction to Edge—though he figured that was about typical of anyone who’d spent more than ten minutes around the guy.

“you know,” Slim said gently, intertwining their fingers. “nothing you do in there will change how i feel about you.”

“are you giving me permission, then?” Cash asked.

“you don’t need my permission,” Slim said, rolling his eye-lights. “this is your decision. don’t let me change it for you.”

“but…” Cash began, weakly. He took a long breath, swallowing. “how am i supposed to pick one of you after…?”

Slim pressed his teeth together, grinning as if he were trying not to laugh. “oh, patches,” he whispered, stepping close and cupping Cash’s face. “who said you had to pick one?”

 

Cash opened Edge’s door with shaking hands and burning cheekbones. He hesitated with his hand on the doorknob, taking a deep breath to try and steady his racing soul. From inside, heard voices— _multiple_ voices. Frowning, he entered the room to find Stretch sitting on the bed next to Edge. “oh,” Cash said, freezing. “am i… interrupting something?”

“oh, don’t worry, love,” Stretch said. “i was just keeping him warm for you.”

“No, you’re not interrupting anything,” Edge said to Cash, sighing and casting Stretch a dark look.

“you’re… wearing glasses,” Cash noted, glancing between the book in Edge’s hand, and the glasses taped to his skull.

“Yes,” Edge said, tightly. “As it so happens, I enjoy being able to see the words on the pages I’m reading.”

Stretch cooed and pinched Edge’s chin. “aw, don’t worry, cash. he’s just a little sensitive about his spectacles.”

“They’re not _spectacles,_ ” Edge hissed, shoving Stretch’s hand away. “They’re reading glasses.”

“don’t worry, babe,” Stretch said. “they make you look very sexy.” He glanced at Cash, smirking. “don’t you think so?”

“they’re… adequately pleasing to look at,” Cash said, nodding. He could feel Edge watching him, his eyes searching, curious. Was he… actually interested?

“see, precious?” Stretch said, turning back to Edge. “you’re adequately pleasing to look at.”

“Flattered,” Edge said, still looking at Cash. “Truly.” He placed his book on the nightstand and carefully removed his glasses. “I’m afraid we’ll have to do without them for tonight. Now, why don’t you get off the bed so Cash can join me?”

Magic settled in Cash’s mouth, and he swallowed it back. Stretch cocked his head, pouting at Edge. “you don’t want me to stay?”

Edge sighed and gave him a lingering frown, then looked at Cash. “It’s up to Cash.”

Cash opened his mouth, put on the spot. He was thankful when Stretch broke in. “aw, don’t put that on him, love,” he scolded Edge, gently. “it’s fine. i’ll go.”

“no.”

Edge and Stretch looked up at Cash. There was a glint in Stretch’s eye, and he lifted a brow bone. “no?”

“you can stay,” Cash said. “i don’t mind.” In truth, the prospect of being with both of them at once was a little less intimidating than a one-on-one session with Edge. At worst, he’d be forced to endure their bickering—but more likely, they might act as a buffer between him and each other. ~~Never mind that the idea of having both of them at once was… intriguing. To say in the least.~~

Shifting aside, Stretch made room for Cash. “well, come on then, love.”

Cash clambered over him—noting that he’d made space _between_ himself and Edge. He slid beneath the covers next to Edge. The bed was a bit too small for the fit to be anything less than cosy. Cash was wedged firmly between the two of them.

Stretch crawled under the covers beside him, and his fingers brushed against Cash’s ribs. He and Edge shared a look over Cash, then Edge turned and switched the light off. “Goodnight then,” he said, turning on his side.

“what? that’s it?” Cash asked, deflating a little.

Edge looked at him, his eye-lights narrow in the darkness. “What? Do you want a goodnight kiss?”

“well—no.”

“i think he does,” Stretch murmured—suddenly very close behind Cash.

“Oh. Do you?” Edge asked, his voice subtly sultry.

“no…” Cash said, his voice wavering with uncertainty.

“Hm. Pity.”

Cash was almost tempted to withdraw his refusal. Edge’s eye-lights were on him, piercing red in the dim lighting. Swallowing, Cash turned over, only to find himself facing Stretch instead. He couldn’t decide whether or not he’d preferred looking at Edge. Stretch always looked a little too… self-satisfied for his peace of mind.

“so you don’t want him to kiss you goodnight,” Stretch said softly. “does that extend to me?”

Cash could feel charged magic in the air—warmth, and energy. He watched Stretch without a word, itching to reach out and touch him. Behind him, Edge sighed. “Behave yourself, Stretch,” he chided. “He’s said he doesn’t want that.”

“no,” Cash whispered. “no… don’t behave yourself, stretch.” Stretch’s smile slipped briefly, sockets widening with surprise. Cash reached out slowly and found Stretch’s wrist. He closed his fingers around it and guided Stretch’s hand to his waist.

“cash? love? do you—?”

“Cash,” Edge said firmly, resting a hand on his shoulder. “You know we don’t expect anything of you. We’re not trying to guilt you into anything. You don’t have to do this.”

Cash closed his eyes, his thoughts wandering back to Twist’s words. _‘I_ _t’s yer game, Patches. No one said ya had ta play by the rules.’_ Throughout the competition, Cash had been operating under the assumption that his choice would be limited to one person…

_‘who said you had to pick one?’_

Having Slim’s reassurance grew Cash’s confidence. He was allowed to do this. He was allowed to _want_ this. He didn’t have to limit himself.

Resolved, Cash caught Stretch behind the neck and drew him in, kissing him. He swallowed Stretch’s surprised gasp and pressed into him. Breaking away, he glanced at Edge over his shoulder, who was looking just as stunned as Stretch. “i don’t want this to stop,” Cash said, determined. “i want this.”

 

Slim glanced up as Cash slid into the bed beside him. “you’re late,” he commented.

“am not,” Cash replied. He certainly hadn’t spent half an hour trying to decide how he ought to dress for this. ~~He didn’t want to overdo it but he also didn’t want to underdo it and did Slim like cologne was that a touch too much did he smell okay was he—~~

“so, how were they?” Slim asked, interrupting Cash’s train wreck of thoughts.

Cash glanced at Slim. He was smiling pleasantly, but amusement twitched at the corners of his mouth. “they were fine,” he said at last.

“just fine?”

“what? you want details?” Cash asked snidely. Slim flushed and glanced away, shrugging. “if you really want to know, then you should go ask edge and stretch.”

“ask them for what? a demonstration?” Mischief sparkled in Slim’s eye-lights, and Cash gave him a cold look before switching the lamp off and pulling the covers to his chin. “well,” Slim whispered, his face now hidden in darkness. “i suppose i have you for… necessary demonstrations.”

Slim spoke the last part so quietly, Cash almost thought he’d misheard. The seconds passed and Slim was silent. Cash could hear him fidgeting. Slowly, he turned over, facing him through the darkness of the room. Swallowing, he murmured, “is that what you want?”

Slim froze, staring at Cash. “i—” His eye-lights were bright, burning. But he’d drawn in on himself. He looked anxious. “i don’t know.”

Cash tried not to let the hurt show on his face. He must not have done a very good job of it, though, because Slim quickly slipped his hand into Cash’s. “what are you doing?” Cash asked, tensing.

Slim fiddled with Cash’s fingers, avoiding his eye. “do you not want this?” he asked softly.

Cash watched him, breathing slowly, steadily, trying to counteract the shaking of his bones. Carefully, he pulled his hand from Slim’s grip. Dejection flickered across Slim’s face. Cash closed his eye and inhaled—then pressed himself into Slim and kissed him.

Slim’s breath caught—but he didn’t try to pull away. He melted into Cash and gradually returned the kiss, his fingers brushing Cash’s cheekbone. Hastily, Cash pulled away, staring at Slim, breathless. “i—i had to do that before i could talk myself out of it,” he stammered.

“right…” Slim nodded, already leaning back in. He caught Cash around the back of his neck and kissed him deeply. A rush of magic flowed through Cash’s bones, spreading warmth. He sighed and sunk into Slim, savouring the taste of him on his tongue.

Slim’s hands wandered the back of his neck and spine. He smoothed his thumb over Cash’s jaw, cupping his face tenderly. Cash’s hands remained at his sides. He felt nervous—uncertain of himself. Did he dare touch Slim? ~~Did Slim really want this?~~

Cash was beginning to grow stiff and unsure of himself when Slim grasped his hand and moved it to his hip.

Oh.

The encouragement provided Cash with a small burst of confidence. He began to run his hands over Slim, feeling the different parts of his body. He sighed into Slim’s mouth as Slim pressed the tips of his fingers into the sensitive cartilage between his vertebrae. Feeling surer of himself, Cash slipped his hand beneath Slim’s shirt and gently pinched one of his floating ribs. It was rough beneath his fingers—scarred, but delicate. He pressed himself deeper into Slim’s hold, craving more.

His breath caught when Slim pushed him onto his back and climbed on top of him. He kissed Cash deeply then sat up, grinning down at him. “you have no idea how long i’ve wanted to do that,” he said.

Stunned, Cash gaped up at him. “h-how long?”

“too long,” Slim purred, grinding into him, then dipping to kiss him again. He worked his way down Cash’s jaw, then latched onto his neck. Cash held a hand over his mouth as Slim dragged their hips together, stifling a soft whimper. Slim caught his hand and pried it away. “you think i waited this long just to have you try and hide those noises from me?”

Cash stared at him, too bewildered for words. Slim smiled and stroked his cheekbone before ducking to nibble at his neck. He pulled Cash’s legs around his waist and pressed their hips together. Cash felt warmth at Slim’s pelvis and went still, surprised. “you… want me?” he asked, his voice brittle.

Slim drew back and gave him a loose smile—the look he got when he was trying not to laugh. “of course i want you,” he said, lightly. “i’m certainly not grinding on you as a display of revulsion.” He studied Cash, his smile withering a little. “do you… want me?”

_Yes._ Cash swallowed and squirmed uncomfortably beneath Slim. “i—” He caught Slim’s face between his hands and tried to kiss him again, but Slim pulled back, looking at him intently.

“pa—cash. i’m serious. i need you to tell me if you want this.”

“… yes.”

“you don’t sound so sure,” Slim said, his expression darkening.

Cash chewed his tongue, averting his gaze. “i don’t know.”

“are we moving too fast?” Slim asked.

“no.”

Slim held his face and turned his skull, meeting his eye. “is it… because of twist?”

Cash froze. He stared at Slim, searching for the joke—the ridiculous punchline—but Slim was earnest. “w—why are you bringing up twist in a time like this?” he asked, irritably.

“this is a good time to bring him up,” Slim said, gently.

The warmth in Cash’s bones had made way for an itch—a frustrating itch he desperately wanted to scratch but also wanted to ignore. He pushed Slim off him and turned on his side, facing away from him. “i’m tired. goodnight.”

“cash…”

“goodnight. slim.”

For a couple of minutes, Slim was silent. Cash tried to ignore him, but he could hear his soft breaths—and feel the lingering warmth of his magic in the atmosphere around him. He felt Slim place a hand on his shoulder, and remained still, stubbornly refusing to look at him. “i’m sorry,” Slim murmured softly. When Cash said nothing, he sighed. “cash… do you know where i found twist last night?”

Cash grit his teeth. “don’t care.”

“he slept in your room.”

Cash shut his sockets, his soul twinging. He inhaled shakily. “i hope you kicked that bastard out when you found him,” he said, his voice thick.

“patches…”

“don’t call me that,” Cash snapped.

“cash.” Cautiously, Slim inched closer to Cash. When Cash made no protest, he pressed himself against his back, nuzzling his face against his neck. Cash accepted the contact… reluctantly. ~~Never mind that it felt incredible to feel _wanted_~~. “twist cares about you, you know. a lot.”

Cash scoffed. “he certainly cares about humiliating me.”

“twist does have… an interesting way of showing affection,” Slim admitted. “but…” He looped his arms around Cash’s waist and leaned into him. “do you feel humiliated?”

“what on earth are you…?”

“or, do you feel happy?”

The words hung heavily in the silence. Slim fell asleep with his arms around Cash, but it was long before Cash followed. Conflicting thoughts warred in his head, keeping him awake, agitated. Slowly, he managed to find sleep, struggling not to think of Twist.

 

By the following evening, Cash had come to a decision.

He didn’t bother showering, and pulled on a pair of old sweatpants and a loose tank top. Gathering himself, he marched into Twist’s room.

Twist glanced up from his bed, brow bone going up. “Heya, Patches. What’re ya doin’ here?” he asked, puzzled. “Elimination isn’ ‘til tomorrow.”

Cash didn’t answer. He climbed into the bed beside Twist and tugged the covers up, wishing him goodnight. He could feel Twist staring at him, even after he’d closed his eye. “Uh. Ya know… sleepin’ in a bed with me wasn’ part a’ the round,” Twist said, sounding uncertain.

“i know that,” Cash snapped, keeping his socket firmly closed. “just. shut up and go to sleep, twisted.”

Twist was still, and quiet for a change. Part of Cash wondered if he was going to protest. Then the covers rustled and the light clicked, sending the room into darkness. Cash felt the mattress sinking as Twist lay down beneath the covers beside him. “’Night, Patches,” he said, quietly.

Cash lay on his back, staring blankly at the ceiling. Breathing steadily, he counted backwards from ten—then he turned and rested his head against Twist’s shoulder. His soul pumped frantically, dread and excitement and regret all rushing through him at once.

Twist didn’t say a word. Then, cautiously, he shifted closer to Cash, and slowly placed an arm around him. Relief flooded Cash, and he sunk deeper into Twist’s embrace.

His mind wandered to the elimination tomorrow, and he reconsidered Twist’s words. _‘No one said ya had ta play by the rules.’_ For once, Cash wasn’t dreading the ceremony. He’d made his decision.


	13. Final Bone Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final elimination is upon us! For context, the options on the poll were:
> 
> **A. ExpensiveSpicyHoneyDog**  
>  **B. Puppymoney**  
>  **C. Plot Twist!**
> 
> Let’s see which option won out. (Warning for tooth-rotting fluff).

For once, Cash awoke before Twist. Out the window, the sky was beginning to glow pink. Too early to be awake, basically. Cash closed his eyes and squirmed in Twist’s grip, trying to find sleep again. But sleep didn’t seem interested in finding him.

Carefully, he wriggled himself out of Twist’s arms and slipped out of bed. He looked at Twist, still heavily asleep. He looked strange in sleep. Unusually tranquil without a lazy grin on his face or clever comments coming out of his mouth. Cash almost woke him, then decided against it. It was too early to deal with Twist. After finding his cigarettes and lighter, he crept out onto the balcony.

He leaned over the dew-damp railing and watched the sun come up. The smoke from his cigarette glowed milky orange in the light. He inhaled deeply, holding it in his chest cavity. He heard the double doors swinging open behind him. “were you even asleep?” he sighed.

He felt Twist’s arm around his shoulders and shrugged it off, but relinquished when he replaced it. “Nah, didn’t get much sleep.” Cash hummed and breathed out a stream of smoke.

“next time you’ll sleep in your own bed.”

“That is my bed,” Twist pointed out.

Cash scowled. “every bed in this house belongs to me.”

Twist snickered softly. “Well, bed’s comfier with you in it.”

Cash pressed his cigarette out on the railing. “what do you want?” he asked.

“Just wanna know what yer doin’ out here. ‘s cold.”

“came here to think. and you’re not making it very easy.”

“Wan’ me ta leave?”

Cash shrugged. “i don’t care.” He swallowed when Twist squeezed his shoulder.

“Thinkin’ ‘bout the ceremony?”

“don’t need to. i’ve already made a decision.” He felt Twist go stiff. “i’m thinking about… after.”

“What happens after?”

Cash lit a second cigarette and inhaled. “dunno. guess i’ll find out.”

 

Cash stood in the shower for longer than was probably necessary. He turned the hot water on high and let it rush over him, clearing out his skull. He cleaned his damaged socket tenderly, dabbing around the edges of the sensitive bone. After climbing out, he studied his reflection in the fogged mirror.

His face was flushed purple from the hot water, and pink magic had flooded the area around his broken socket. His chest twisted and he glanced away, placing his eyepatch back on. He wrapped a towel around his waist and headed into his bedroom. It almost surprised him when Twist wasn’t waiting to ambush him.

After dressing, he was about to head downstairs when he noticed Slim’s jacket hanging over the back of his chair. He’d forgotten to give it back. He swallowed and brushed his hand over the ruff. It took a moment of fidgeting and deliberation before he decided to slip his own off and wear Slim’s instead. He caught himself inhaling it and froze. Shaking his head, he walked swiftly downstairs.

He found the others waiting for him at the foot of the stairs and his soul pulsed. Twist was standing near the front door, away from the rest of the group. He winked at Cash. “Good luck, Patches.”

Cash managed a grunt of acknowledgement. He eyed the other three and swallowed. Stretch folded his arms. “got a speech prepared?” he asked snidely.

“fuck you.”

Stretch grinned. “again?”

“Quiet down, love,” Edge said, bemused.

“why?” Stretch smirked at Edge, leaning in. “you didn’t.” Edge dug his elbow into Stretch’s ribs and he snickered. Cash glanced quickly at Slim, but he was grinning.

“let’s just get to the point,” Cash said dryly, summoning a sleek violet bone of magic. He placed it in Edge’s hand, glancing at Stretch. “you get to share one.”

“How appropriate,” Edge said, faintly amused. Cash frowned.

“is this because we shared you?” Stretch purred, leaning in.

Cash pinched Stretch’s jaw. “next time, i want you on your knees.” He let go, and Stretch at least had the decency to blush. Edge’s arm crept around his waist and he leaned in as Cash moved on to Slim.

He summoned another bone. It tingled against his fingers, infused with accidental affection. His soul was racing a mile a minute, and his breaths felt thin. “u-um…” Fuck, he couldn’t even look Slim in the eye.

“you’re wearing my jacket.” Slim ran his hand down the sleeve. He was smiling. “you gonna give that to me?” he asked, nodding at the bone in Cash’s hand.

“i don’t know!” Cash snapped. He took a deep breath. “only if you want it…”

“was there ever really any doubt?”

Cash rolled the bone over in his hands. “i’m not very good at this, you know,” he murmured, so the others couldn’t hear.

Slim held his chin and pressed their foreheads together. He was grinning. “oh yeah, you’re awful.” With a soft breath, he touched their teeth together, slipping his tongue into Cash’s mouth. Cash felt him taking the bone from his hand as they broke away. “i’ll be keeping this, though,” he said, tapping it with his finger. “as a promise.”

Cash narrowed his socket. “what promise?”

“a promise that you won’t chicken out on me,” Slim said, crossing his arms. “i actually kinda like you, you know.”

Cash had to look away for a moment to get his blush under control. “yeah, okay.” He gave Slim a faint half-smile. “put out enough and i might actually stick around.”

Slim grinned. “good boy.” He glanced over Cash’s shoulder, then gave him an inquiring look. Cash looked behind him and found Twist watching them with a crooked smile. He quickly turned away, frowning. “remember,” Slim whispered, stroking his jaw with his thumb, “no chickening out.”

Cash slapped his hand away and turned around, exhaling. He approached Twist with slumped shoulders. “Good decision, Patches,” Twist said with a warm smile.

“i’m not done,” Cash said, a little abruptly. Twist’s smile dwindled as he summoned another bone. His hands shook around it and he stared at the ground. He didn’t know what to do. A million regrets and terrors were already crushing him under their weight. He could feel the others watching him, and that really wasn’t helping. “it’s for you,” he said at last, scrambling the bone into Twist’s hands.

“What’re ya doin’?” Twist’s voice was unnaturally quiet. It was unsettling, and only heightened Cash’s panic.

“i think he’s giving you his bone,” Stretch said unhelpfully. Cash didn’t even have the clarity of mind to glare at him. He stood weakly in front of Twist, his courage quickly diminishing.

“i-i’m picking you,” he said. Fuck, he sounded pathetic. “you were the one who said i… didn’t have to play by the rules.”

“Patches, I think ya misunderstood me,” Twist said quietly. “I ain’t one a’ the options.”

Cash could feel his jaw trembling. He grit his teeth and swallowed. “i don’t care, you stubborn asshole,” he growled. “i’m picking you.”

Twist breathed and closed his socket. “Ya can’t.”

“well—well why the fuck not?” Cash snapped, taking a step back. “do you not want me?”

Twist didn’t answer. He frowned at the floor, rolled his shoulders, then shook his head. “Tha’s not what I said.”

“then—”

“Ye’ve got Slim—and Edge and Stretch. What d’ya need me fer?”

Cash stared at him, fists trembling at his sides. “fine,” he spat. “fuck you.” He turned without another word and marched upstairs, slamming his bedroom door behind him.

 

Cash was relieved when it was Stretch and Edge who found him in the darkness of his room. ~~And disappointed. He’d faintly been hoping for someone else~~. He barely glanced at them when they quietly closed the door. He turned on his side, facing away from them, and flicked his lighter. Stretch sat beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “don’t,” Cash hissed, pulling away.

Stretch glanced at Edge, who sat on Cash’s other side. “Slim is talking to Twist,” he said. Cash said nothing, but a lump formed in his throat. He stopped flicking his lighter, squeezing it in his palm.

“do you want to come downstairs?” Stretch asked gently.

“i don’t want to talk to twist,” Cash said coldly.

Edge sighed and yanked him up by his arm. “Come on. Sit up, you stubborn twat.”

Cash scowled at him. “what do you want?”

“I want you to stop feeling sorry for yourself and go talk to Twisted.”

“he made his decision,” Cash said quietly. “that’s fine. i don’t care.”

“cash…” Stretch stroked the back of his hand, meeting his eye with uncanny tenderness. “do you really think twist doesn’t want you? after all he’s done for you?”

“what is this, good cop, bad cop?”

Stretch gave Edge a frustrated look, and Edge inhaled. “Your problem,” he said slowly, “is that you’re both obstinate morons.”

Cash gave him a flat look. “great. thanks. now that you’ve insulted me, do you want to get the fuck out?”

Edge’s patience seemed to be wavering, so Stretch stepped in. He cupped Cash’s jaw and turned his face, looking at him with earnest unnatural of him. “twist cares about you, idiot. it’s so fucking obvious. i think the problem is that you don’t want to believe it. because you… don’t think you deserve it.” His eyes flickered to Edge.

Cash clenched his teeth. “he said.” He exhaled, his breath shaking. “he said he didn’t want me.”

“No, he didn’t,” Edge said quietly. Cash looked at him and found a vulnerability he wasn’t used to in the Edgelord. “He wants you. He doesn’t think he deserves you, but he wants you.” Cash noticed Edge lacing his fingers with Stretch’s. He looked away. It felt like he was intruding on something intimate.

“the guy’s an idiot,” Stretch said. “you just need to talk some sense into him. slim’s given you a headstart.”

Cash sighed, slumping back against his pillows. “and i suppose you two are here to talk sense into me.”

“precisely,” Stretch said, smiling pleasantly.

Cash hummed his disapproval, folding his arms. “you’re both idiots,” he mumbled, pushing Stretch aside so he could climb off the bed. “i’m going for a walk. don’t fuck in my bed while i’m gone.”

“no promises,” Stretch called, looking far too smug for Cash’s liking. Even Edge betrayed a certain degree of pride. He would have to fix that later. He had other shit to get done right now.

 

He found Twist and Slim sitting next to the lake in the grounds. He eyed the wet grass grimly before sitting down next to Twist. Slim smiled at him, a knowing gleam in his eyes. Cash gave him the finger and he rolled his eye-lights and got up. He crouched to squeeze Cash’s hand before leaving.

It was a nice enough day. The sun was warm, only a few clouds streaking across the sky. The air was stirred by a light cool breeze, and it smelled like flowers and fresh grass. It didn’t help ease Cash’s nerves much.

Now that he was here, alone with Twist, he found he was having difficulty speaking. He plucked at the grass and didn’t look up. Something needed to be said, but Cash wasn’t sure what. He couldn’t think of the right words. Twist’s presence beside him felt almost overbearing. Like a reminder that this silence had dragged on for far too long, and it was only getting more and more uncomfortable—

“Patch—Cash, ‘re ya happy?” Twist’s words rang through the silence. Cash couldn’t look at him, but he nodded slowly. “With Slim—and Edge and Stretch. Yer happy with ‘em?”

“yes.”

“So then… why?”

“why, what?”

“You know what.”

Cash frowned, picking at the grass more avidly. “because,” he said stubbornly.

“Is it fer sex?” Twist asked. “Is that why ya want me?”

“yeah.” Cash shrugged, digging his fingers deeper into the dirt. “and other things.”

“What other things?”

“i don’t fucking know!” Cash snapped at last, looking up at Twist. He was watching him, with unsettling focus. “you think i know how this shit works?”

“Ya think _I_ do?”

Cash threw up his arms, bewildered. “you’re the one who set this whole bloody thing up, aren’t you? you tell me. what am i meant to do here?”

Twist looked away, frowning. His cracked socket was glowing faintly. “Ya weren’ meant ta pick me,” he whispered.

“well i did.”

“But, the others…”

“i picked them, too.”

“Patches…” Twist sighed, but there was laughter in his eyes. Faint, but familiar, humour. He touched Cash’s cheekbone with his fingertips, barely grazing the bone.

“you said i didn’t have to play by the rules.”

Twist pulled a face. “Yeah, ‘m really regrettin’ those words now.”

“can’t you just—can’t you just let me have this?” Cash felt bitterly desperate. He could hear how pathetic he sounded.

“Now yer jus’ bein’ greedy,” Twist said, grinning. Cash could have slapped him. Instead he held his gaze, unwavering. Twist’s smile faded and he sighed. “Yer happy with the others. Ya don’ need me.”

“i want to be happy with you.”

Twist ran a hand over his face, groaning. “Fuckin’ hell. Why’d ya have ta make everythin’ so difficult, Patches?”

The temptation to storm off again was almost irresistible. Cash’s confidence, and his patience for this argument, were quickly crumbling. He sighed and pulled away from Twist. “if you don’t feel the same way…”

“Woah, wait a minute. Who told ya that?” Cash looked at him. “Alright, point taken. But ya know I didn’ mean it.”

“no, i didn’t know that! surprisingly enough.”

Twist hummed, looking away for a moment. Then he turned back. “Fine. Fine. Okay.” He reached for Cash and then drew back. Squeezed his sockets shut. Exhaled. “Fuck it.” He leaned in and pressed their teeth together.

Cash held his breath. His cheekbones burned when Twist caught his face with both hands, holding him steady. He swiped his tongue over Cash’s teeth, seeking entrance. Cash froze, inhaling, then slowly opened his mouth. He tasted Twist for the first time and magic rushed into his mouth.

He quickly learned that Twist wasn’t an idle kisser. He pulled Cash into his lap, wrapping his arms around his waist and neck, cradling his skull and kissing him deeper. Cash held onto him, mindless of how out in the open they were, or the damp grass beneath them.

When at last Twist broke the kiss, he was grinning. Cash swallowed, trying to ease himself out of Twist’s lap, but Twist held onto him. Scowling, Cash stared at the ground over Twist’s shoulder, avoiding his excited gaze. “so, is that a yes?” he muttered.

Twist leaned back, lying down on the grass so that Cash was straddling him. Cash glared at him, but Twist was beaming. He stroked Cash’s cheekbone and exhaled. “Sweetheart. That’s a fuck yes.”

 

****

 

“... is this really necessary?”

“Absolutely!” Twist grinned proudly. “Ya picked all’ve us, so ya gotta sleep with all’ve us.”

Cash eyed the nest of blankets and pillows spread across his living room floor. The furniture had been pushed aside to make room for the makeshift bed. Edge and Stretch were already tucked in comfortably in front of the fire, asleep, and Slim was reading in his corner. “We’ll have ta invest in a bigger bed later,” Twist said thoughtfully. “But this’ll do fer now.” He beamed at Cash. “Ya like?”

Grunting, Cash shuffled beneath the covers beside Slim, who put his book down to kiss Cash’s cheek. “just get in the bed, twisted,” Cash muttered.

Much to Cash’s disgruntlement (and Slim’s amusement), Twist wedged himself between the two of them, crushing them both in warm hugs. “‘Night, Patches,” he whispered, kissing Cash deeply before shutting his eyes. Cash gave Slim a look, but Slim just smiled, resting his head against Twist’s shoulder. He reached out and held Cash’s hand on top of Twist’s chest, before closing his eyes.

Cash lay awake long after the others had dozed off. He was tired, but his magic was alive, thrilled. His gaze kept wandering over their little group, as if he had to savour this moment. As if it might vanish in an instant. He glanced at Edge and Stretch. Curled up in each other’s arms, peaceful, happy. Slim—comfortable, his fingers still laced with Cash’s, his face kind, even in sleep.

And Twist. Cash wondered if he was actually asleep this time. Even now, he was smiling. Cash tucked his head against his chest. Twist stirred, and his arm slowly crept around Cash’s shoulders. Closing his eyes, Cash went to sleep, contented.


End file.
